Doodle on it
iFoolish (appropriately named) is the most perfect of silly iPhone cases. Get this: It turns your phone into an Etch A Sketch! Admittedly, this one might be for "the Olds," otherwise known as those of us who cherish the Etch A Sketch as a quaint toy from our youth. Remember? You'd scribble on the drawing board, and the magnetic stylus would coax the metallic particles inside into a design or drawing. If you didn't like your sketch, you could shake the slate clean and start over. Now instead of ignoring people who are in front of you by texting other people who aren't in front of you, you can ignore everyone by doodling away. Seems less rude, actually. The iFoolish ($13.99) is available at Expansys.
Wrap it up
You're a guy (or maybe you're a proactive lady) at a party, and you meet someone, and you might, like, hook up. The problem: There's no convenience store nearby to buy a condom. The solution: the Playa Case ($29.95). It's an iPhone case that comes with a hidden condom compartment. (You could also stash a few bills in there, too.) The hard cases, which are sold at Opena Case, are rather nice looking, as they're shiny and thin with a slick hideaway feature on the back of the phone. Opena Case isn't discriminating either. In addition to both black and white cases, the site has a fuchsia-pink option for the ladies. Playa Case is expected to go on sale soon, and you can sign up for Opena Case's mailing list to get first availability.
Because you've been secretly doubling as Bond -- James Bond -- in your off-hours, you'll need this bulletproof iPhone case, which costs more than the phone itself. Made by a Japanese company, the Marudai iPhone case ($650) supposedly turns your phone into a shield capable of stopping a .50-caliber bullet. Holy smokes! The housing is huge, so the case won't be winning any slimness awards, and the steel and aluminum case weighs in at a hefty 4.63 pounds! When you combine its price, size and purpose, the Marudai case takes home the unofficial award for Most Ridiculous and Totally Useless Yet Completely Badass Invention Ever.
Wear it on your face
It's the Snuggie of cell phones. The ads look totally fake, but the GoJo Headset is undeniably real. Taking "hands free" to the next level, the GoJo fuses an old-fashioned headset with a suction cup that allows you to hook your phone to your face (yes, the entire phone). Now you no longer have to look like a cyborg robot talking to yourself in the car while wearing a futuristic hearing aid. Instead, you'll look like the dorkiest of dorks with your phone plastered to your face. And as for that common issue of not being able to do a backflip while chatting to your friends on the phone? Well, according to the GoJo Hands Free commercial, that's now a problem of the past. For $10 (plus $7.95 shipping and handling), you can get two GoJo headsets and a bonus nonslip grip mat to keep your devices from sliding off your dashboard, evidently.
Make it old-school style
We get it. You miss the good old days when you could tuck your phone on your shoulder and type at the same time; you pine for the past when the handset was still a formidable object -- firm, large and heavy in your hands. That's why there's the Native Union Moshi Moshi Retro POP Handset ($29.99) on Amazon. This looks like a dated handset with the curly cord and everything, but all you have to do is plug it into your Android or iPhone, and you'll be walking around looking like you teleported out of 1984, looking very silly.
If you want to be more technologically accurate, try this '80s Cell Phone Case ($20) from Urban Outfitters. Once you pop your iPhone into the 7.5-inch case, the device will look just like those bulky cell phones from the mid-'80s. I'll never forget the first time I met someone who carried one of these huge bricks with him to bars. He insisted that the five-pound weight was more convenient than using a quarter at a pay phone. Maybe he turned out to be right. The good news is this plastic case won't be that heavy. The bad news is that it's still really ugly!