christy fantz
Christy Fantz

Nnn.Sss.Nnn.Sss.

That's my version of techno club music.

You know -- with you crazies all hopped up on whatever it is you do these days, twirling whatever it is you twirl these days and sweating like Lindsay Lohan in a probation meeting?

Good talk.

Guess what? Remember that Global Dance Festival at Red Rocks in July that you did all the aforementioned shit at? Well, the producer of said fest is bringing SKYLAB 2012: Mission Blackout, a large annual indoor dance music fiesta, to Denver this weekend.

Fiesta may not be the right word, but you know what I mean.

Since I am not familiar with these tunes, I don't know who's huge in the Nnn.Sss. world, so here's the whole damn lineup: Dragon & Jontron feat. Lea Luna, Porter Robinson (that sounds familiar...), Gareth Emery, Zedd, Ecotek, JQA, Trajikk & Kevin Alves, Mystical Influence, Downlink, Andy C + Armanni Reign, Borgore, Fury, Sureshot, Shank Aaron, Coult-45, Intergalactic Fantasy Safari, Max Lord, Smash Brothers, 4th World Dubstep, Artistry and (whew) Dubwol.

So go dance your pants off. This year, the theme is black attire and will be held at the Denver Coliseum, 4600 Humbolt St., Denver.

Info: Saturday 7:30 p.m.; 16+; Denver Coliseum; $60-$120.

 


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BIER!

After you stretch your dance muscle this weekend -- let's hope we're on the same page with dance "muscle" -- it's also time to stretch your German muscle.

This muscle, aside from holding up a strong gut for all that meat and potatoes, comes in handy with your gigantic guns. This German muscle is needed to hold up that gigantic stein o' beer, while prancing around in your lederhosen and dirndls.

Oktoberfest Denver will be raging this weekend and next weekend in downtown Denver on Larimer Street between 20th and 22nd streets. The celebration of German heritage features live tunes, dance performances and lots o' bier.

I usually swing by to celebrate my half-German-liciousness, and there's crazy fun polka music, people dancing like assholes (myself and your grandfather) and a whole lot of chicken dance.

Also, I've seen my fair share of old men tearing shit up on the polka floor, whilst giving the concrete street numerous sips of beer.

And, tonight only, watch the Coors Field fireworks for the Rockies game at 9 p.m. right over your dear, sweet head.

Last year was a sea of college football T-shirts, so if you don't don lederhosen, then pimp the Buffs.

Yes. You still are a loyal fan.

Prost!

Info: Friday and Sept. 28 from 5 p.m.-2 a.m.; Saturday and Sept. 29 from 11 a.m.-2 a.m.; Sunday and Sept. 30 from noon-6 p.m.; free.