Updated: March 26, 2015 7:02:45 PM MDT
 
 
  • Mommy care - 03/17/2015 01:25 PM MDT
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    Relationship columnFantz in Your Pants: Smokey and the bandits

    Front-row seats to Denver's homeless sex
    03/23/2015 09:17 PM MDT
    Since CU students are on spring break this week, they opted to suck tequila out of Juan's belly button instead of evoking my sage love advice. For punishment, I'll doll out spankings. But first I'm going to spin a ripping-fine yarn about homeless sex. Once upon a liver ago, I lived in the RiNo district in Denver, but before it was all fancy. It was all empty warehouses and I lived two doors down from the Gold Star Sausage Company which, when (allegedly) spraying for roaches, would unwittingly send the critters migrating to my abode to spoon me. 
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    Fantz in Your Pants: Toilet trouble
    03/16/2015 09:13 PM MDT - Christy, My boyfriend is really tall , so he sometimes urinates all over my bathroom carpet when he misses the toilet. I don't think he realizes it and I don't know how to tell him, but it's really starting to reek like asparagus in there. I don't know why my landlord put carpet in the bathroom. -Missing the pot  Full Story

    Running Under the Influence: What kind of gym rat are you?
    03/16/2015 09:10 PM MDT - I've been trying to hit the gym more often in the last few weeks, as being physically tired helps my brain shut down. As a result, I can now offer a definitive ranking of the best and worst times to go to a popular gym, depending on your personality. Full Story

    I'm Not There: A family affair
    03/15/2015 09:10 PM MDT - A certain flavor of nutjob loses his/her gourd over holidays. Not The Holidays, or a holiday - ALL the holidays. They hoard plastic skeletons in April, discuss Easter plans in July and string up the imported Italian twinkle lights in October. By November, everyone is sick to death of hearing them blah-blah-blah about which kinds of cookies they're going to make for the office MLK party. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: March Madness causing quite a (b)racket
    03/10/2015 02:42 PM MDT - Dear Christy, My girlfriend is all pissed off that I won't let her join my March Madness pool with my buddies. She'd be the only girl if she did, and she doesn't know shit about college basketball, so I don't want her to embarrass me. How can I let her down easy? -Boy's Club  Full Story

    Running Under the Influence: Jogging the hiccups out
    03/03/2015 01:01 PM MST - Hiccups are literally The Worst. One of the more upsetting things I've read about Ebola is that people die during the hiccupping phase. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Zoo noises
    03/03/2015 12:59 PM MST - Christy, My boyfriend shouts out some really loud and disgusting stuff when we're having sex. I won't even repeat it here. It's really gross. But, I share a house with six other people and even though I'm in a basement room, I'm afraid they can hear. Any suggestions? -Blushing at breakfast  Full Story

    Fritz column: Thank you
    03/02/2015 01:28 PM MST - Two weeks ago, my column won first place at the Colorado Press Association Awards for humorous writing. I've been told to address that here, so I'm sharing a speech I gave the other night; I don't know how else to approach this without feeling like a braggart. I want to give shout outs to my editors, Barge, Glasgow, Seabass, Burdick, Fields, Fantzy, Quan and Moose, who've helped me in ways I doubt I could ever sufficiently put into words, as well as two readers who came out of the woodwork to encourage me, Dave Blaida and Shannon Stoddard. And then of course my friends and all you badass readers. Full Story

    Fritz column: Another sick note
    02/22/2015 10:07 PM MST - Dear Christy the editor, So, I know we agreed I was gonna turn in a column about being afraid of sea creatures — and at some point in the near future, I will totally write the shit out of it, swearsies. Full Story

    Running Under the Influence: Gangbangers vs. gangbangs
    02/16/2015 09:18 PM MST - Fuck Valentine's Day. Like so many others, this was the thought running through my head as I made some questionable choices on Saturday night. Full Story

    (Cliff Grassmick / Staff Photographer)
    CU cross country: Buffs will be well represented at world championships

    Benner and Thweatt look to build off wins in Boulder
    Three University of Colorado athletes, one former Buff and one future Buff will compete Saturday in the IAAF cross country world championships in Guiyang, China. Full Story
    (Cliff Grassmick / Staff Photographer)
    CU cross country: Buffs will be well represented at world championships

    Benner and Thweatt look to build off wins in Boulder
    Three University of Colorado athletes, one former Buff and one future Buff will compete Saturday in the IAAF cross country world championships in Guiyang, China. Full Story
    (Paul Aiken / Staff Photographer)
    Second Story Garage: Aspen Hourglass

    Most people don't play guitar like Grayson Erhard does. That's because most people can't play guitar like he does. The guitarist for Fort Collins' Aspen Hourglass often uses a difficult two-hands-on-the-fretboard technique that Eddie Van Halen first popularized but which players such as Erhard have developed beyond pop-rock vulgarity.  Full Story