• Fantz: Abby & Clyde - 04/20/2015 08:41 PM MDT
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    Updated: April 12, 2015 9:04:24 AM MDT
     
     
  • Dailey Method - 04/21/2015 08:48 AM MDT
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    She's Not HereFantz: Abby & Clyde

    Two old-young siblings found at the animal shelter
    04/20/2015 08:41 PM MDT
    I can't make frequent visits to the animal shelter because if I don't leave crying, I'll come home with nine more dogs. And as much as I'd love to have 400 dogs, I'm not jiggy with romping around the house in shit-caked rainboots.  
    Full Story
    Fritz in Yer Pantz: Get dirrrrty!
    04/20/2015 08:38 PM MDT - Dear Fritz, Something funny happened yesterday. My friend Eve was over and I'd had a very lazy day and didn't clean up before she arrived. About 20 minutes after she left, I realized, "Oh, sweet baby Jesus, all my sex toys are still in the bathroom!" (I'd washed them and they were drying by the sink.) I think that must have been mortifying for her, especially because she's pretty young and has only had sex once. Uh, the end, Shameful Sally  Full Story

    Running Under the Influence: Lessons with strangers encouraged
    03/30/2015 10:21 PM MDT - A wise soul told me, "never try to teach your spouse something." It was in reference to teaching his wife to ski for the first time, and it was all too familiar. Full Story

    Fritz in Your Pantz: Trouser tumbleweeds
    03/30/2015 10:20 PM MDT - Dear Jeanine, I'm not having sex. It's been like ten months. And I don't care, but I feel like I should. Good day, Angst in My Pants  Full Story

    Fantz: Off with their heads
    03/30/2015 02:39 PM MDT - The length we travel to avoid fear is often by way of irrational distress. My phobia, which has resulted in therapy and numerous panic attacks, seems foolish. It's taxidermy. This ancient art of killing an innocent animal for sport, then stuffing and mounting its head on the wall as a trophy knocks the wind straight out of me. (Greek origins translates it to the arrangement of skin. Sweet fancy Moses that's gross.) Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Smokey and the bandits
    03/23/2015 09:17 PM MDT - Since CU students are on spring break this week, they opted to suck tequila out of Juan's belly button instead of evoking my sage love advice. For punishment, I'll doll out spankings. But first I'm going to spin a ripping-fine yarn about homeless sex. Once upon a liver ago, I lived in the RiNo district in Denver, but before it was all fancy. It was all empty warehouses and I lived two doors down from the Gold Star Sausage Company which, when (allegedly) spraying for roaches, would unwittingly send the critters migrating to my abode to spoon me. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Toilet trouble
    03/16/2015 09:13 PM MDT - Christy, My boyfriend is really tall , so he sometimes urinates all over my bathroom carpet when he misses the toilet. I don't think he realizes it and I don't know how to tell him, but it's really starting to reek like asparagus in there. I don't know why my landlord put carpet in the bathroom. -Missing the pot  Full Story

    Running Under the Influence: What kind of gym rat are you?
    03/16/2015 09:10 PM MDT - I've been trying to hit the gym more often in the last few weeks, as being physically tired helps my brain shut down. As a result, I can now offer a definitive ranking of the best and worst times to go to a popular gym, depending on your personality. Full Story

    I'm Not There: A family affair
    03/15/2015 09:10 PM MDT - A certain flavor of nutjob loses his/her gourd over holidays. Not The Holidays, or a holiday - ALL the holidays. They hoard plastic skeletons in April, discuss Easter plans in July and string up the imported Italian twinkle lights in October. By November, everyone is sick to death of hearing them blah-blah-blah about which kinds of cookies they're going to make for the office MLK party. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: March Madness causing quite a (b)racket
    03/10/2015 02:42 PM MDT - Dear Christy, My girlfriend is all pissed off that I won't let her join my March Madness pool with my buddies. She'd be the only girl if she did, and she doesn't know shit about college basketball, so I don't want her to embarrass me. How can I let her down easy? -Boy's Club  Full Story

    (Cliff Grassmick / Staff Photographer)
    College golfCU men's golf: David Oraee on par with best of Buffs

    Senior will go down as one of CU's top golfers
    Pac-12 Men's Golf ChampionshipsWhen: Monday-Wednesday. Where: Palouse Ridge Golf Course in Pullman, Wash. Full Story
    (Cliff Grassmick / Staff Photographer)
    College golfCU men's golf: David Oraee on par with best of Buffs

    Senior will go down as one of CU's top golfers
    Pac-12 Men's Golf ChampionshipsWhen: Monday-Wednesday. Where: Palouse Ridge Golf Course in Pullman, Wash. Full Story
    (Paul Aiken / Staff Photographer )
    Second Story Garage: Cabinet

    A touch of Appalachia marks much of Cabinet's look and sound. With a mix of drum-fueled rhythm and bluegrass instrumentation, Cabinet has explored a path of Americana much followed by Colorado audiences. Full Story