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Each week, the Yeti reaches into his mailbag and answers all manner of questions from humans. Send your questions to the Yeti at doctoryeti@coloradodaily.com, comment on the Yeti online, or chat up the Yeti on Twitter -- he's @doctoryeti there -- and if you're lucky, receive your own response from the wisest beast of all.
Dear Yeti,
Do you play any sports? I bet you would be really good at football. There isn't any rule against Yetis in football.
-- Gary
Human Gary:
Yeti play a little ball in high school, but get banned from league for slobbering.
It weird -- Yeti did all kind of thing that human might think worse than slobbering, like eating opposing team's mascot goat, or helping opposing wide receiver invent new kind of concussion.
But, no, Yeti kicked out for slobbering. Referee say it make field too slippery and give Yeti unfair competitive advantage. So Yeti ate ref.
This not help Yeti's case with league. Now, Yeti confined to playing fantasy football.
Condolences,
Yeti
Dear Yeti,
The other day I was showing off my new iPhone to some friends and when one of them was playing with it, he read my e-mail. It wasn't a big deal, but it was a little embarrassing when he made fun of an e-mail my mom had sent me.
How can I avoid this type of thing in the future?
-- iMatt
Human iMatt:
Yeti understand. This a difficult situation. But this what to do:
Human take class in programming iPhone app. Or meet enterprising geek human who will help for small fee.
Then human program decoy e-mail app to look like normal e-mail. Human make all decoy e-mail extremely complimentary and include thing like "Human application for Mensa accepted" and "Thanks for last night." Thing of that nature.
Then, show off human fancy new phone with confidence.
Condolences,
Yeti
Dear Yeti,
I haven't received any thank-you cards or calls from people for Christmas gifts I gave them. What recourse do I have?
-- Annie
Human Annie:
Raid village, eat livestock.
Condolences,
Yeti
