Author Jenni Schaefer to share eating disorder experience at CU-Boulder

Jenni Schaefer

Ed is an abusive boyfriend.

Ed is controlling and manipulative, and treated author and singer-songwriter Jenni Schaefer like a battered wife.

Ed isn't even human.

Using the metaphor "Ed" for "eating disorder" helped Schaefer separate her true self from a relationship with anorexia and bulimia.

"It's an abusive relationship," said Schaefer, author of "Life Without Ed" and "Goodbye Ed, Hello Me." "It literally was killing me. But now I can say I've never been married, but am happily divorced. I realized this isn't who I am.

"I struggle with an illness, but it is not me anymore."

Schaefer will discuss her battle with eating disorders at 6 p.m. Thursday in the Eaton Humanities building, Room 150, on the University of Colorado campus.

Schaefer began having insecure body image thoughts at age 4 during dance class; she said that's when the voice of Ed first appeared. Through years of struggle, Ed's voice got louder -- until she completed years of therapy to rid herself of the abusive voice.

"Separating Ed was extremely helpful," Schaefer said. "Ed would sit in an empty chair and I would have conversations with Ed. A big part of recovery is not only getting rid of the illness and to get rid of Ed, but the bigger part was actually finding myself again -- finding out who I was."

Thursday's event is sponsored by Center for Change, a Utah-based eating disorder recovery center, and Buffsecret.com, a forum for CU students to anonymously share secrets online.

Craig Durham, co-founder of Buffsecret.com, said the site has received a large number of secrets from students who struggle with eating disorders.

"We have taken on a responsibility in the community by offering a place for students to anonymously share," said Durham, who graduated from CU in 2008. "So many people are dealing with the same issues and we want to encourage them to become more proactive in talking about it."

Melanie Aldis, regional director of business development at Center for Change, said she struggled with bulimia for 10 years.

She lived in a small town and her parents were going through divorce, so she gravitated toward using and abusing food to gain control.

Aldis relapsed two weeks after completing 30 days of treatment because the facility was focused on solely "fattening up" the patients, she said.

"In treatment, my body began changing from what had been my identity for so long," Aldis said. "I was proud to be Melanie the bulimic. I didn't want to gain weight. I didn't know who I was as a person, what my passions were -- I had no idea who I was."

Aldis said the Center for Change's goal is to separate the patient from the eating disorder as well as help to empower patients as women. She recommends those struggling with an eating disorder receive treatment as soon as possible.

"I'm 32 and I feel really behind in life," Aldis said. "I was so sick bingeing and purging for 10 years. If I would have just learned to eat properly and healthy, I could have been an active teenager. I now realize that I didn't need the eating disorder to look the way I look."

Schaefer, 33, said she is finally catching up in life as well.

"When I was sick, I didn't sing at all," Schaefer said. "But now the joy of music has come back again. The eating disorder consumed my every thought. I didn't have time to think about happiness or joy. It's exciting to finally discover all those things.

"I find out more about myself everyday."