christy fantz
Christy Fantz

Dear Christy,

I get a lot of overdrawn fees in my account. My boyfriend gets upset because sometimes when it's my turn to take us out to dinner, my card will get declined. I'm a photographer, not an accountant. Yet it bothers him, even though everything works out evenly in the end. Can't he just understand that I'm a no-numbers gal?

--Creative girl

Artiste:

Since I was in wee lassie in her first pantsuit, the masses have preached for me to reconcile my bank account. (Who says pantsuit?)

"It only takes a few minutes," say people who can add.

Well it only takes me a few minutes to write a haiku. And it only takes me a few minutes to shower. And it only takes me a few minutes to remember what day of the week it is.

You're jealous.

So yes, Miss Photographer, I empathize.

However I will tell you that at 37 bucks a pop for an overdraft fee, my wasted money hath sequentially grown into the amount of a large down payment for some sort of awesome pad, I'm sure. (Where Mr. and Mrs. Bank Fees are apparently squatting like a couple of hobos and feeding my pet octopus dozens of Red Vines. They know his ADHD can't handle the food dye.)

If your boyfriend ends up paying for most of your soirees together, his dismay is warranted. However, if everything winds up equal, then it's not his problem your overdraft fees are squandering away your future photo lab's down payment. (On the green side of this dry grass, people don't know what photo labs are anymore.)

Maybe tell him to manage your bank account, if your comfort allows.

Good luck out there. I'll be on this side of the newspaper not balancing my checking account.

Dear Christy,

My boyfriend wears pink all the time and it bugs me. He even has a pair of pink-on-pink pinstriped pants. I like pink, but he looks like cotton candy. How do I tell him to tone it down without upsetting him?

--Wish he had the blues

Pretty in pink:

While we're quivering in our spaceboots over here, waiting for Kim Jong-Un to drop a bomb on us (baby, to drop a bomb on us ... don't you turn me on*), you're worried about Sir Pretty in Pink.

I get it. Various things about men can really get our pantsy all antsy. Maybe their man is addicted to the finer pleasures in life like booze, smokes and drugs. Or maybe their man spends too much money, is unfaithful, or isn't caressing the beaver like he should. (That fat-tailed rodent family pet, perv.)

Alas, to each her moan.

Unless he's moving into your pink lingerie's territory and stretching it to threads, then let the man don his fuchsia flair. Don't let stereotypes hamper his style. If he doesn't tell you what to wear, don't tell him what to wear.

*Condolences for the lyrical pun, Gap Band.