Ashley Dean is taking your questions this week, but Christy Fantz will be back next Tuesday. Word.
I want to ask my girlfriend to move in with me, but her family is super screwed up (I don't think her dad even has a home), and I don't want them visiting and potentially crashing at our happy home. How do I handle this?
-- Smitten but practical
Feel that? That psychic wave of embarrassment? That's coming from me. I'm doing a Bluth-style chicken dance over here.
Ask her to move in, you wuss. If you feel good enough about this girl to want her all up in your "cozy" studio apartment, then forget about her family and replace that futon with a grown man's bed. (Don't you dare get rid of that neon Corona sign though. Really, it's super cool, bro.)
If you start making decisions based on her nuts-o family, this relationship is going to screech to a halt. And when it ends and you find another girl, there's a solid chance her family will be weird, too. Maybe the next girl's mother is sweet and "normal," but she's there every other day trying to redecorate or something. She will totally get rid of your sweet neon sign when you're not home. It's also just not fair to your girlfriend. She can't help it if her family has issues.
If it does become a problem when she moves in, well, the same advice applies. Be a man. Tell her there are boundaries and tell the family, too, if it comes to that. Long lecture short: Use your words.
My boyfriend and I can't find couples to hang with. We have to split up if we go out, because I hate all of his friends' girlfriends and he's super annoyed by my friends' guys. We've been together forever, so this isn't a relationship-killer, but what should we do?
-- A relationship divided
First, understand that this makes you catty and that your friends' dudes probably suck.
Just kidding. I thought I'd do some sexist antagonizing. Let's go ahead with the assumption that you're both justified in your opinions of your friends' boos. Not that that makes this problem any less sticky, but since we can't have it stop you from getting sticky in the sheets, let's have a crack at it.
Let us not forget the immortal words of the Spice Girls: "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends." Can you get drunk enough to not hate these people so much? That's childish, but I don't like a lot of people I'm forced to socialize with and I find some extra whiskey helps. Just don't take it too far and start throwing shade.
If that's too childish and/or alcoholic for you ... um. How do couples find other couples, anyway? This is not something I've done, so I'm going to assume it's the same way single people find other single people. Next time you're out together, meet new people.
Or, you can just enjoy some time apart once in a while because TAKE A DAMN BREATHER.