I have a friend (attractive, smart, funny, successful) who only dates COMPLETE AND UTTER JERKS... Her last boyfriend was a head shorter, chunky... and was a rude, stand-her-up-on-her-birthday schmuck that she fell head-over-heels for... What could compel a bright, beautiful woman to fall in love with absolute bums?
—Scratching Her Head
Your pal sounds like she has low self-esteem. A woman choosing an inferior man is often a signal that the woman sees herself as substandard.
In fact, most of us girls do this, and I'd like to take a moment to fire us all from that job.
Once upon a liver ago, in a self-esteem building exercise, a room of women were asked to draw themselves and draw the other women in the room. The results were quite surprising. Most women drew an extremely skewed version of themselves. I drew a big ol' blob with a frizzy mop of hair. Then when I saw how the rest of the women saw me — as this tall, curvy, beautiful, raven-haired hot piece of ass — I was shocked.
We often don't give ourselves the credit we deserve, which may be why many settle.
Instead of dating a fool who forgets his lady's birthday (unacceptable), your pal needs a strong man beside her to reassure her how wonderful she is. (Snag a dude who loves his mommy.)
Hold your heads high, ladies. Rake in that man you don't think you can get, because you can. And now pass me a drink and a cigarette because our little lovefest is making me headachey. And also a little horny.
I just moved into my boyfriend's house and all he does is smoke pot and watch TV. I thought it would be a new chapter in my life, but I guess back to the college chapter it is. Any advice?
All grown up:
Can I move in?
Ahem. Well, you moved into his home, so you can't immediately flip that bitch upside down. He'll just resent you.
Ease him into subtle change. Grill outside at night, build a garden together, go on walks, get a puppy! Maybe if you can get him into a little more active lifestyle, then he'll quit hotboxing your head space.
Don't nag him and tell him what he's doing is "wrong." It's his comfort zone. However, you live there now, too, so you do have the liberty to talk change, you just can't roll in and 180 the dude.
Also, be open to change or this will ruin the relationship for you as well. Roll with the punches, suck on that joint, laugh at "Family Guy."
Then clean the toilet.
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