Dear Christy,

My girlfriend's best friend always just drops in. She lives a block away, so it's all the time! She even does it when it's only me at home. You know when you just want to sit privately in your underwear, eat cereal and watch TV? I can't do that anymore.

—I want my private back

Space invaded:

Sitting on the couch, your junk in your hands while Polly the pornstar dances on your iPad...

Oh. Private time.

Drop-ins are like sex with a random. Beforehand, it's safe and cozy; during, you've had better; and afterwards you go plant your head in the garden.

It's an invasion of space, and we all know space invasion of the non-Atari* brand is irritating.

Christy Fantz
Christy Fantz

In the game of he said/she said, if you make the call, you're the insensitive asshole, so tell your girlfriend to set her pal straight. Usually just a quick reminder is enough to make her feel like an invasive bother.

The home is yours to hole in, too, so it's not cool if she's encroaching into your panty party.

*"Space Invaders." Go back to sleep.

 

Dear Christy,

 

My boyfriend wants us to move in together. Right now he lives with some other guys and their place is disgusting. He says he's not a slob, but let's just say all evidence to the contrary. I love the guy, but I don't want to live with a slob. How do I make sure he cleans up his act before he moves in?


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—Queen of clean

 

Scrub-a-grub:

 

Well if he says he's no slob, you'll have to give him the benefit of the doubt until you have evidence otherwise. He may be bolting from the house of squalor to your pristine abode for a reason.

I knew dudes who lived with dudes who may as well have lived inside a Dumpster that doubled as a squat-house waste can.

Exhibit A: A house of Notre Dame lacrosse dudes. Walking through their house on a "clean" day had rodents and mice snacking on trash at the dining table. They didn't even scurry. It was disturbing. The two "clean" guys of the house got so fed up they started stapling trash to the wall.

Exhibit B: A house of University of Florida bachelors. The "clean" dudes got so pissed at the dirty dude for not cleaning that they piled knee-high dirty dishes in front of his bedroom door for them to tumble down the condo stairs when dirty dude's door opened.

So there is a chance that your man really is clean and he just wants out. If you're that nervous, give the cohabitating a trial run and pray to Monica Geller.

Just the tip: Separately write down the habits that peeve one another and stick them to the fridge. Then, if he violates one of yours, then you can violate one of his. Because, A. that's what she said, and B. we're immature.

Also keep in mind that your version of clean may be cuckoo. Give the man a break if he doesn't shine your bleach cap. Don't knit-pick every single thing he does wrong. Pick and choose your battles or he'll picking and choosing a new broad.

Follow Christy: Twitter.com/FantzyPants