Dear Christy,

This guy I met at a club took me out to dinner. When the check came, he wanted us to split it. What's the deal? He called me, he asked me out and he picked the restaurant. On top of it, he ordered a more expensive meal and had more drinks than me.

—$45 later

Dutch princess:

This particular situation does give the assumption that the guy would take care of the check, however — we should all know by now — never assume anything for first dates.

By assuming, you make an ass out of u and ming. Um.

Christy Fantz
Christy Fantz

So, back in the day, before we were even twinkles in our mom's uteruses (uteri?), the boys opened the doors for the ladies, pulled out our chairs, cut our steak, paid for our meals and tucked our long skirts* into their cars to drive us home. *Don't show your ankles, sluts.

Nowadays, while our children are long-distant thoughts playing hide-like-hell from sperm, the boys reel out pickup lines, buy us a drink, tuck our thongs into their bedsprings and drive us home. (The other drive. To the other home.)

Chivalry has a different face than it once did. (Sure, there are exceptions. There always will be.) But, when dating in the 21st Century, thou shalt enter the date without any expectations. Just like women aren't expected to stay at home churning out turkey pot pies in their aprons all day, dudes also aren't expected to pay for every single date.

So, if he wants to go dutch, then you have the right to itemize the bill and only pay for your portion. If he doesn't want to pay for any of yours, then you shouldn't have to pay for him to wash down Maine lobsters with top-shelf drinks.

Just the tip: You met him at a club? I see V-necks and Jersey Shore in your future.

Fantz,

This dude I've been dating for two months keeps sending me dick pics. It doesn't bother me, but he's trying to get me to reciprocate, which I am not comfortable with yet. How can I tell him to pump the breaks without being a prude?

—See me in person

Parts in your pants:

Just tell dude to nose breathe because your Playboy days are still virgins in shining armor.

You are not a prude just because you don't want your bush to swathe screensavers. There's nothing wrong with you wanting to keep your parts in your pants. There's a reason celebrity sex tapes leak: people are assholes. It's one thing to have your bank balance leaked, your browser history studied or your skirt to fly up in front of seven co-workers on a smoke break when you're wearing granny panties. But it's a totally different thing to have your bare jugs cruising around the world's widest web.

Meanwhile, keep rubbing one out to his junk. He offered it up, so enjoy.

Follow Christy on Twitter: @FantzyPants