The Yeti is full of advice and anger.

Each week, the Yeti reaches into his mailbag and answers advice questions from the fragile youth of America, as well as old people sometimes. Send your questions to the Yeti at doctoryeti@coloradodaily.com and receive your own custom-tailored response from the wisest beast of all.

Dear Yeti,

I ordered a sandwich and it arrived with something I was not expecting. It arrived with a pickle. I hate pickles. I hate them a lot. But I love sandwiches. What do I do? I have refrigerated the sandwich (with the pickle) until further notice.

-- Pickle Hater Paul

Human Paul:

Thank you for writing to Yeti. Yeti cannot feel empathy for your tiny human sandwich problem, because Yeti not discriminate against small foods -- if Yeti is eating village goat and happens to pick up blades of grass or children from petting zoo, Yeti eat them without complaint.

ASK A YETI

Got a question for the Yeti? Write in at doctoryeti@coloradodaily.com.

Yeti very thankful, especially around Thanksgiving. This because at first Thanksgiving, Yeti was very hungry and ate "pilgrims" despite adverse effects of pilgrim hat-buckles on Yeti digestive system. Since then, Yeti know true meaning of hunger and true purpose of laxative.

But Yeti digress. Yeti try to work it out for you out of generosity of Yeti's warm heart, which buried beneath many layers of muscle and thick, matted fur and anger.

OK, what rational human do in this situation? (Yeti have hard time typing "rational human" with straight face -- because Yeti is drooling. Best-tasting human is kind that believes himself rational.)

Rational human probably try conflict resolution. OK, human, take sandwich to conflict resolution. If conflict not resolved then, threaten pickle verbally. If pickle not run away, pickle probably playing opossum (also delicious).

Pickle is now safe to remove with dainty human fingers, which will retain taste and scent of pickle to become flavorful treat appropriate for tailgating.

Condolences,

Yeti

Dear Yeti,

I have to go home for Thanksgiving and admit that I quit school three months ago and I've been spending the money my parents have been sending on online poker and energy drinks. Do you think that it's best to just come right out and say it when I get there, or should I wait for a special moment, or what? How can I get set on the right course?

-- New Leaf Nate

Human Nate:

Yeti think human is proper fucked. Human need better strategy than that.

Tell you what would happen to Yeti if Yeti had gambled away Yeti parent money: Yeti get shorn -- and naked Yeti have to weave clothes from fur to sell at market. Then when Yeti finally sell enough "alpaca sweater" to hippie in order to pay parent back, Yeti have to pay interest from carnival wages. Lucky for human that human so uninteresting nobody go to carnival to see him.

Imagine: carnival with only human. This be like shopping mall without Mac store. What the point? It just giant food court with fatty snacks.

Yeti think maybe human get two jobs and skip Thanksgiving. Work retail during holidays -- they hire any nimrod who can put on nametag and usher consumer to big-ticket items.

Human make some sales, save up, maybe human have enough money to make gesture of apology by returning some of human parent money at New Year's.

Condolences,

Yeti