More Headaches

Christy Fantz dishes the dirt daily on her Hollywood Headaches blog, at coloradodaily.com.

Palin gene spreader, starfucker and just general moron, Levi Johnston, is running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska.

Alaska, I'll hold you.

I'm going to need a handgun, a towel and a priest.

The Playgirl cover model* is documenting this bullshit move in a reality show, "Loving Levi: The Road to the Mayor's Office."

A statement read: "He will give us a real inside look into who he is as a father, a skilled hunter, an avid dirt biker, and of course his journey down the road of small town politics -- right after he gets his high school diploma."

OK, fine. I'll take a crossbow, a whale and an oven mitt.

*"Model" used loosely. Extremely loosely. Like Tila Tequila, the village bicycle. Even you've had a ride. You tramp.

 

Jenner is whipped

Brody Jenner shaved an "A" into his freshly-mowhawked hair.

Um. Abracadabra? Asinine? Antidisestablishmentarianism?

Oh. Avril.

"The Hills" dude has been dating rocker Avril Lavigne for a few months.

How sweet.

P.S., I found your testicles on Rodeo Drive next to the man-bag shop. Tell me the "A" is for "alcohol" and I'll give them back to you.

 

Inappropriate? Inappropriate.

Nothing like ELLE magazine pimping out a little statutory rape.

Kim Kardashian and Justin Bieber appear in a photo spread frolicking in the Bahamas in the September issue of the magazine.

The shoot took inspiration from, "The Graduate," a 1967 film about a young man who has an affair with an older woman.

In one picture, 16-year-old Bieber takes a photo of the 29-year-old Kardashian as she struts around in lingerie.

I feel all warm and fuzzy inside just like I did when I snapped my fibula in half and shattered my ankle.

 

Oh Snooki

Snooki (Nicole Polizzi) of "Jersey Shore" said she's "too pretty to be in jail."

The Jersey girl was arrested last month for disorderly conduct.

Well, sweetheart, sometimes things don't work out the way Oprah tells us.

Just look at me. I'm too damn hot to be poor but "Bouncing Many Checks" is my Indian name.

And also, define "pretty."

 

Stewart's got stamina

Well, Rod Stewart, 65, squeezed a lone sailor through Penny Lancaster's 39-year-old uterus.

The rocker and his model/photographer wife are expecting a second child, making it eight for Rod.

Hey Rod, my great grandpa called. He wants his balls back.