W ho's salad did Lindsay Lohan toss to get into the White House Correspondents' dinner?

Ah. Greta Van Susteren.

Fair enough.

The annual event -- attended by President Obama and his lady -- mingles government suits with arbitrary celebrities and press types.

Attendees were as random as Chase Crawford and Kris Jenner (whom I mistook for Adam Lambert in a red dress). Rosario Dawson's tits also showed up, but they mistakenly got the Evite to the Motorboat Ball instead of the White House soiree. For tit's sake, woman.

However, in choosing Lohan as her guest, Van Susteren caused a bit of a twuckus. Tweet ruckus. Crickets?

Remember when Van Susteren planned a boycott for the Radio and Television Correspondents' Association dinner because Louis C.K. was headlining?

Me neither.

The comedian eventually dropped out, but now people are all like "Jesus, Jerry and Joseph.* Greta is in hate with Mr. C.K., but invited that coke-faced fire crotch to the gangbang?"

(By "people," I mean me.)

At least Lohan came equipped with the standard side boob and a mouthful of Valtrex.

*Credit: BFF Jenny D.'s phrase, dripping in Irish drawl.

Flamin' to the oldies

Richard Simmons strikes my Fantzy.

Apparently, the fitness guru has more than 400 pairs of those quirky little short-shorts he's famous for sporting.


However, said Dolfin shorts -- i.e. Hooters hotpants (for real) -- have a minor problem: Poor Richard's shorts are flammable.

Sure, that's what it says in the men's room, but it's the fabric we speak of -- it's literally flammable.

"They're from 1979, and they don't make them anymore because the material is flammable...They're not allowed in the United States anymore," Simmons said.

But you still have 400, so I'm bringing back the camel toe.

Speaking of...

Wove. Twue wove.

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon renewed their wedding vows at the Eiffel Tower in Paris on Friday for the fourth time.

Much to my chagrin, the unlikely pair -- 42 and 31, respectively -- do it every year.

It's not heartwarming. It's not endearing. It's a cheap chance for Mariah to flaunt her lips on camera. And not those ones.

Egads! I just saw a picture of Kristen Stewart smiling.

Good talk.