This comic book image released by DC Entertainment shows Wonder Woman and Superman kissing from the "Justice League 12" issue. Wonder Woman and
This comic book image released by DC Entertainment shows Wonder Woman and Superman kissing from the "Justice League 12" issue. Wonder Woman and Superman are officially an item, locking lips in a passionate embrace as the pair realize that there's no one out there like them. The couple's kiss is the culmination of a dramatic story in "Justice League" No. 12 which marks the first full year since DC relaunched its stable of heroes with new stories, new costumes and revised origins. (AP Photo/DC Entertainment) (Uncredited)

H ot porn, Superman!

Brangelina, there's a new power couple in town. In DC Comic's "Justice League" No. 12, Wonder Woman and Superman totally suck mugs. And hopefully he rubs some jugs.

The pair has had flings in the past, but this superkiss appears to maybe turn into an impending courtship?

Now we're fucked.

That future supertot -- who one day takes a joyride down Wonder Woman's birth slide -- will fly out with lighting shooting out of its orifices and then the world will smell like burnt hair.

Uh.

Until then, tune into 'toon porn.

'Three Men'

"Two And A Half Men" is going country.

And by country, I mean redneck.

christy fantz
Christy Fantz

Miley Cyrus has joined the cast for a guest stint of "Three Men."

What? She kinda sounds like a half a dude.

Anyway, drama may ensue because Miley just filmed a flick with Ashton Kutcher's ex, Demi Moore, in the straight-to-DVD flick "LOL."

You know, Ashton's on "Men." He cheated on Demi. Demi has man arms. Man arms have Madonna. Madonna has testicles. Testicles don't have Billy Ray Cyrus.

Allegedly.

Yeah. I don't care either.

OMFG, Hollywood. "LOL?"

YBMO.

You bum me out.

GT.

Good talk.

'Real' acting

Look! Joaquin Phoenix swallowed Elijah Wood and threw up Shia LaBeouf.


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Tangent aside, LaBeouf told USA Today that he dropped real acid to act out scenes for "The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman."

He also said he hit the real booze hard to portray a drunken bootlegger in his new film "Lawless."

I bet. And I just smoked that big fat bowl to do research for Hollywood Headaches.

What a foo

Oh, Buddha on a bobby pin.

Christ on a catfish?

Zeus on a zombie!

Shia LaBeouf attends the LA premiere of Lawless at Arclight Cinemas Hollywood on Wednesday, Aug. 22, 2012, in Los Angeles. (Photo by Todd
Shia LaBeouf attends the LA premiere of Lawless at Arclight Cinemas Hollywood on Wednesday, Aug. 22, 2012, in Los Angeles. (Photo by Todd Williamson/Invision/AP) (Todd Williamson)

Before science reprimands my lack of tact, let's discuss how Lindsay Lohan wants to apparently get popped off.

The actress is blaming Suge Knight's son, Andrew Knight, for the $100 grand jewelry heist from movie producer Sam Magid's home during an all-knight party last week.

Why invite Lohan? Who knows. People are dildos.

More importantly, does Lohan know Andrew Knight allegedly (allegedly, allegedly, allegedly, don't kill me Knights) claims to be the son of the man (Suge is Death Row Records' CEO) accused of arranging the 1997 murder of Biggie?

Regardless, the actress has been named a suspect. She said she was hazy on Ambien. She told Magid: "I'm sorry. Please pray for me."

Hollywood should just wipe its ass with her and flush her already.

Oh, the humanity

What can we do with $16,000?

A lap dance from Octosag (mom).

A pound of meth.

A BJ from Andy Dick.

A reacharound from John Travolta.

A car.

Elvis Presley's shit-stained underwear.

Yeah!

A pair of soiled tighty whiteys worn by the King under his white jumpsuit during a concert in 1977 -- and not washed -- is up for auction and expected to reach that ridiculous estimate.

They were obtained from the estate of his dad, Vernon Presley, and they're framed.

I hope he preserved them. Then some bored assholes can try to figure out what the King ate for lunch.

I'm gonna throw up.