ashley dean

M an, fuck scalpers.

This is not the first time I've written those words. The last time I committed the statement to some sort of public record was on Twitter last Friday. My icey cold thumbs hammered out the message as I stormed away from the Ogden Theatre, sans tickets to see Matt & Kim.

(Side note: I love Matt & Kim. I got a high-five from Kim once.)

Maybe I should have bought tickets sooner. Actually, I tried to get tickets sooner, but the $9.50 service fee to purchase the $22.50 ticket was enough for me to put it off until I bounced up to the ticket window that night.

The bouncing turned to trudging, then near-stomping. After the boyfriend and I were told the show was sold out, I knew I had no one to blame for missing one of my favorite live shows but myself. Then, in swept the scalpers.

The guy who managed to stop Gary told us he had been asking for $60, but it was show time and they weren't moving, so we could have them for $50.

At that moment, I nearly snapped. How kind of you, sir, to offer us a deal. Your kindness is so great, I'll certainly forget that you're playing me for a sap and completely ripping me off.

Gary asked if I was sure I didn't want to get them anyway. We were really looking forward to the show, but no. No I did not. And telling the story to people later, they didn't seem to share my anger either.

Here's the thing. Scalpers aren't people who had tickets and for some reason can't use them. Those people are generally more reasonable. They offer up tickets to friends or on Craigslist and StubHub for at or near the original price. They're presumably nice people.

Scalpers are assholes and con men. Even calling them con men feels like I'm speaking too highly of them. The term implies some possible intelligence or cunning. Scalpers are just jerks who buy up tickets so they can turn them around for twice the price or more. The show was, in part, sold-out specifically because these guys bought tickets to scalp.

That this is just another shitty reality and it doesn't make me any less annoyed. It's a dickish thing to do, it insults everyone's intelligence and it does all that to music. Not everyone will feel like sacred ground is being spit on -- the way I do -- but still.

You should pay for your music because the artists deserve it. Scalpers don't deserve it. Next time you're tempted, remember they're just using your love for the music to rip you off. And if you've got as little restraint as I do, flip them off.

End rant.