Everything's going wrong. My headphones, laptop, phone and Kindle are all crapping out. I'm glad I own two watches, otherwise I'd be in the market for yet another piece of electrical equipment I can't afford.
After applying to jobs for hours, I strolled to the grocery store to grab some food. This place discounts their crappy meals after 6 p.m.
After walking inside, I noticed somebody I've known for a long time. Definitely an acquaintance, but who is he? A teacher? A coach? An old boss? Somebody who fixed up my parents' old house in North Dakota?
No way! That can't be! This can't be happening! I stalked around the cereal aisle just to get another peek. Yep.
It's MICHAEL KEATON!
Obviously, I can't sneak up on him. I can't say his name, because what if I accidentally say it three times? I don't want to make him go nuts. If I had a new idea for a restaurant, I certainly won't tell him.
Back in the days when families drove minivans to video rental places, my family's VCR usually rotated "Batman," "Mr. Mom," "The Dream Team," "Batman Returns" or "Beetlejuice." My parents, brothers and I spent hours laughing our faces off while watching his movies.
I've talked to plenty of famous people: Rudy Giuliani, Lindsay Lohan, Matt Stone, Lebron James (sort of) and quite a few others. What the hell am I going to say to Michael Keaton!?!?
I wanted to tell him that I owned Batman T-shirts, comic books, movies, video games, toys, stickers and breakfast cereal. Or that my Grandma Dorothy almost made my brother and me walk out of "Batman Returns" because all the costumes were too tight. I once spat a loogie in my coat like Beetlejuice because I wanted to "save it for later."
I walked to him and said quietly, "Um. You were. Um. A big. Um. Part of. Um. My childhood." He smiled and shook my hand. "Um. Can I. Um. Get a photo. Um. With you?"
We snapped a selfie and he left with his stuff (I didn't even think about checking out what he was buying). Keaton looked dressed for a party. I didn't want to make a scene, because maybe when people recognize him, he gets annoyed with questions like, "Do you prefer Christian Bale or Ben Affleck?" and "When's 'Beetlejuice 2' coming out?"
You've spent a few minutes more with my Popular to Contrary Opinion column than I spent with Michael Keaton. The whole ordeal lasted about 15 seconds, but his kindness made my day a good one.
BUT! Arnold — if you're reading this — you're not getting off easy. When I find you I'm going to tell you how you got me interested in weight lifting, Mars, sunglasses and — um — ferrets.