(Fantz)
Fantz in Your PantsFantz in Your Pants: Caution, bumps ahead

She wants him to shave, but he gets ingrown hairs
08/14/2018 08:20 PM MDT
Dear Fantz, Please help. I started dating a new girl and she wasn't that into the sex right off. Instead of being defensive, I spoke to her about it like a good partner should. 
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Fantz in Your Pants: Tall tales and body dysmorphia
08/08/2018 03:01 PM MDT - "Good lord, why are you wearing heels, girl? You're already so damn tall," Female Pharmacist asked. "I like to intimidate people," I said, laughing and throwing up awkward Godzilla arm gestures while stomping around. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Crab boil (the hot tub won't kill your crotch critters)
08/02/2018 12:44 PM MDT - Dear Christy, If I get crabs, can I sit in a hot tub or a hot bath and kill them off? The hot chemicals seems like a winning death sentence for the creatures. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Digits gone wild
07/25/2018 12:59 PM MDT - Christy: My girlfriend likes to stick her finger up my bum, but I have hemorrhoids that hurt when she does. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Conversations with Siri
07/18/2018 02:47 PM MDT - My brain's a mess, but I'm trying to compartmentalize. I sometimes turn to Siri, but that usually ends up with me daydreaming about her mangled robot body smashed in traffic. Full Story

Fantz In Your Pants: Dancing with himself
06/27/2018 02:17 PM MDT - Dear Christy, I met this guy who is perfect on paper but horrible at dancing. At a club last weekend, it was so embarrassing, people were putting him on social media. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Silver Fox lockdown
06/20/2018 02:07 PM MDT - The Silver Foxes told me that between five of them, they've been hitched for a grand total of *car alarms raging* *sirens wailing* *tornado warning sirens screaming* *doorbells ringing* *bats screeching* *shuttles launching* 218 years. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Party for one
06/12/2018 07:49 PM MDT - Once upon a Greek mythology ago, Narcissus was frolicking about, a ridiculous sense of entitlement lifting his gait. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Cat-scratch herpes
05/30/2018 12:23 PM MDT - Dear Christy, I just read about a woman with HSV1 who transmitted the virus to her baby because she kissed him near his eye. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Oh, you nasty boys
05/23/2018 02:37 PM MDT - Old dudes have brought it to Fantz in Your Pants' attention that my columns have been lacking the filth they crave. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Peeping Tinder
05/16/2018 12:21 PM MDT - Rockwell, a vintage synthesizer and an '80s pop song walk into a bar. "Can the people on TV see me?" asked Rockwell. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Raging at machines
05/01/2018 08:53 PM MDT - Christy, Remember me? I'm that blonde girl in the black Maserati who sped past you on the shoulder Tuesday when you were driving. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Fantz in the judges' pants
04/24/2018 08:19 PM MDT - Homies, I won an award for this column. (A focus group goes wild.) The geriatric cat is out of the Depends bag: Fantz in Your Pants is not a page of outhouse newsprint with which you should wipe your ass. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Genie in a hormone bottle
04/11/2018 02:49 PM MDT - Dear Christy, I saw an Ageless Male pill commercial on ESPN and I'm wondering if it will really make me the man I want to be? Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Juul of the Nile
04/04/2018 02:25 PM MDT - I like to age myself. Like with that headline. Or with premature wrinkles from smoking. Watch me age myself again: Juuling, Juuling, Juuling, do you love me? Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Medusa's wrath
03/21/2018 12:56 PM MDT - Twenty-eight days? You just left, writhing bitch. Well, I guess 28 days ago. Medusa's head rents my uterus five days a month. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: A tale of bikes and boyshorts
03/13/2018 12:02 PM MDT - I bought a sweet beach cruiser a decade(ish) ago. I paid about $300 for it — super-ghetto standards by ye Boulder bike-isseurs, but I just needed something to get to work and home. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Cough, hack, barf
03/07/2018 12:41 PM MST - Instead of writing my column from the over-roasted confines of Starbucks down the street, I decided to get to my doctor's appointment an hour early and pen this gem from the Kaiser Permanente lobby. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Luck o' the old bag
02/26/2018 08:22 PM MST - Christy: St. Pat's is coming up and your BFF from college is visiting, but you're kind of over the whole get-smashed-in-LoDo-with-a-bunch-of-drunk-people gig. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Lukewarm beef injection
02/22/2018 09:36 AM MST - This is not a column about my husband slamming a baby in my uterus. You wish. That's a *hot* beef injection. Full Story

Fantz In Your Pants: Ash and valentines
02/22/2018 09:36 AM MST - Valentine's Day is extra somber for those who participate in the religion-ing, church-ing and Jesus-ing. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Dude sandwich
02/06/2018 11:24 AM MST - Fantz: My girlfriend layered salami all over my chest, then ate it off. I wasn't turned on. In fact, I was grossed out. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Trump, freeze, rinse, repeat
01/29/2018 07:50 PM MST - Put your little hand in mine. There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb. Babe. I got you babe. OK campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cold out there today. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Law and panic disorder
01/23/2018 01:25 PM MST - Dear Christy, For Valentine's Day, I thought about taking some fetish pictures for my husband, but I'm nervous about getting hacked. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Who's lazy here?
01/15/2018 08:18 PM MST - Dear Christy, We started wondering why the rotating tray used in kitchens is called a lazy Susan. Women are usually the kitchen's bitch, so it's hard to believe that it was Susan who was lazy. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: History of my Silver Foxes
01/10/2018 01:47 PM MST - A Boulder crew of dirty old Baby Boomers — who often seek "Fantz in Your Pants" advice — have become my Silver Foxes. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Santa, bring blinkers
12/12/2017 11:16 AM MST - Dear Santa, Tis the season to be jolly, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Troll the ancient yuletide Carol. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Professional snugglers will spoon you for cash
12/05/2017 02:22 PM MST - Dear Fantz: Undoubtedly you have heard of this, but we have just become aware of cuddling services. Apparently, you can just sign up and be matched with someone who will cuddle with you. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Make it rain roe
11/27/2017 08:13 PM MST - Dear Christy A woman friend of mine recently asked me, "Why do men seem to enjoy sending pictures of themselves holding large fish to everyone? Full Story

Fantz in Her Lungs: Dog damn it
11/20/2017 03:59 PM MST - To my dog, Clyde: Cover your ears. Good boy. I'm allergic to dogs. Not cool, The Man. (I blame The Man because I feel like it.) Full Story

(Matt York / Associated Press)
College footballCU football: Buffs reeling from first blowout loss

Turnovers, sacks allowed pile up in defeats

After many of Colorado's Pac-12 losses over the years, there was a helpless feeling coming from the Buffaloes.

 
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(Matt York / Associated Press)
College footballCU football: Buffs reeling from first blowout loss

Turnovers, sacks allowed pile up in defeats

After many of Colorado's Pac-12 losses over the years, there was a helpless feeling coming from the Buffaloes.

 
Full Story
(Paul Aiken / Staff Photographer)
Second Story Garage: Gasoline Lollipops

The Boulder alt-country band gives its EPs names such as Death and Resurrection, and its songs bear the mark of hard truths and sin. But the punk energy behind the playing, and the sense that it's all in good fun, make it OK to dance to a song like "Death." Full Story