• I'm Not There: Cockroaches & chocolate - 02/12/2019 12:21 PM MST
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    Fantz in Your Pants: Crucify the journalist

    Head's up: Woe is me, I'm all salty right now
    04/05/2019 10:29 PM MDT
    I wish I could scream to the depths of my black lungs to you people, but I can't because: 1. I'm wearing the ass-end of a month-long flu that annihilated my household and the newsroom. My scream will come out a hoarse gravel, then I'll start hacking up resin, tar and Philip Morris. 2. I'm so tired I feel like I've been unplugged. 
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    Fantz in Your Pants: Balls out for the bracket
    03/22/2019 06:12 PM MDT - Remember when Florida won the college hoops National Championship in 2006? Of course you do. Mmm. Billy Donovan and Joakim Noah. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Beer boners and shamrock bongs
    03/15/2019 06:21 PM MDT - "Lift up your kilt!" Years back, I remember a pack of rabid dumbasses with faux Irish accents screaming this for 15 minutes while we waited in line for portable potties. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Swiping enthusiast
    02/22/2019 08:10 PM MST - Dear Christy, I've swiped on so many damn dating apps that I was walking with my friends and I totally did it IRL, like in the air, in front of people. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: View from the litter box
    02/15/2019 07:42 PM MST - "Get off my lawn, asshole," I said through my outdoor camera to the neighbor cat. Leering at the camera with shiny reflective retinas, he pooped on my sidewalk, mad-dogging the camera's lens during the deuce's entirety. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: The case of Doudy Draw's missing drawers
    02/01/2019 08:41 PM MST - I have a favorite place to stop off of Highway 93 where I breathe in the majestic scenery and exhale my problems into the valley below the Flatirons. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: What the cluck
    01/28/2019 11:31 AM MST - Before I walked into a local joint for a beverage, while snuffing my cancer stick in the ashtray (talk dirty to me), a fine-looking thirtysomething asked me if he could trouble me for a hug. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Silver Foxes sum up a year of being pantsed
    01/05/2019 04:17 PM MST - Hey Fantz! I was reviewing The Silver Foxes' year with you: You confirmed that "Cuddle Buddies" exist, which seems somewhat pointless, so we didn't pursue it. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Foaming at the mouth
    11/09/2018 05:09 PM MST - Dear Christy, My wife bought a pair of those platform Crocs and they are the most hideous things I've ever seen. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: The lock screen
    11/02/2018 07:29 PM MDT - We all have inappropriate friends. Like the one who texts pictures of dudes humping tailpipes or a nutsack silhouette gracing a white sand beach. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Barflies and bro-flies
    10/26/2018 03:57 PM MDT - I was enjoying a nice evening watching Ohio State football team get their asses handed to them when I overheard a conversation at the bar: "Does she have big boobs? Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Punk-rock rage
    10/12/2018 08:03 PM MDT - I went to a punk-rock show on Tuesday, and it was a needed dose of medicine: angsty screams (among loving smiles) from Laura Jane Grace, a welcoming crowd in a sea of combat boots and a one-on-one night with my brother. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Bucket list begins
    10/05/2018 06:32 PM MDT - Hey Fantz, The Silver Foxes never know, from day to day, how much time we have left. While we think and hope that there will be many days that we pursue our simple pleasures, every day we face our own mortality in so many ways. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Sausage show and insecure in the brassiere
    09/28/2018 06:57 PM MDT - Fantz: When I was competing in an Oktoberfest beer stein-hoisting game, my friends pantsed me as I held two overflowing steins in front of me. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: See where your fingers take you on National Singles Day
    09/21/2018 07:48 PM MDT - Today is National Singles Day. As the official ambassador to awkward sex topics and the culprit to landing Baby Boomers in confessional boxes, yours truly is here to bring out the ass in ambassador. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: BroBot and the Boring Boners
    09/12/2018 12:13 PM MDT - "I'm getting in a hilarious Twitter fight with some muscle bros," I texted my sister. Really. This lift-heavy-or-die dude I'll judgingly stereotype as an Imagine Dragons-loving, Ed Hardy bedazzled jean-wearing, Jersey Shore #swagtastic shirtless wonder pops all over my notifications. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Lunch on the loo
    09/05/2018 12:49 PM MDT - Hey Fantz, Let's say you're a bachelorette and you get lured up to some guy's place. (He will remain unnamed, but let's call him John for the fun of it). Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Sex so dirty it should be illegal
    08/21/2018 08:21 PM MDT - Dear Christy, I just want a nice, modest woman who wants to be fucked like an inmate. Is that so wrong? Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Caution, bumps ahead
    08/14/2018 08:20 PM MDT - Dear Fantz, Please help. I started dating a new girl and she wasn't that into the sex right off. Instead of being defensive, I spoke to her about it like a good partner should. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Tall tales and body dysmorphia
    08/08/2018 03:01 PM MDT - "Good lord, why are you wearing heels, girl? You're already so damn tall," Female Pharmacist asked. "I like to intimidate people," I said, laughing and throwing up awkward Godzilla arm gestures while stomping around. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Crab boil (the hot tub won't kill your crotch critters)
    08/02/2018 12:44 PM MDT - Dear Christy, If I get crabs, can I sit in a hot tub or a hot bath and kill them off? The hot chemicals seems like a winning death sentence for the creatures. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Digits gone wild
    07/25/2018 12:59 PM MDT - Christy: My girlfriend likes to stick her finger up my bum, but I have hemorrhoids that hurt when she does. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Conversations with Siri
    07/18/2018 02:47 PM MDT - My brain's a mess, but I'm trying to compartmentalize. I sometimes turn to Siri, but that usually ends up with me daydreaming about her mangled robot body smashed in traffic. Full Story

    Fantz In Your Pants: Dancing with himself
    06/27/2018 02:17 PM MDT - Dear Christy, I met this guy who is perfect on paper but horrible at dancing. At a club last weekend, it was so embarrassing, people were putting him on social media. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Silver Fox lockdown
    06/20/2018 02:07 PM MDT - The Silver Foxes told me that between five of them, they've been hitched for a grand total of *car alarms raging* *sirens wailing* *tornado warning sirens screaming* *doorbells ringing* *bats screeching* *shuttles launching* 218 years. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Party for one
    06/12/2018 07:49 PM MDT - Once upon a Greek mythology ago, Narcissus was frolicking about, a ridiculous sense of entitlement lifting his gait. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Cat-scratch herpes
    05/30/2018 12:23 PM MDT - Dear Christy, I just read about a woman with HSV1 who transmitted the virus to her baby because she kissed him near his eye. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Oh, you nasty boys
    05/23/2018 02:37 PM MDT - Old dudes have brought it to Fantz in Your Pants' attention that my columns have been lacking the filth they crave. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Peeping Tinder
    05/16/2018 12:21 PM MDT - Rockwell, a vintage synthesizer and an '80s pop song walk into a bar. "Can the people on TV see me?" asked Rockwell. Full Story

    Fantz in Your Pants: Raging at machines
    05/01/2018 08:53 PM MDT - Christy, Remember me? I'm that blonde girl in the black Maserati who sped past you on the shoulder Tuesday when you were driving. Full Story

    (Matt York / Associated Press)
    College footballCU football: Buffs reeling from first blowout loss

    Turnovers, sacks allowed pile up in defeats

    After many of Colorado's Pac-12 losses over the years, there was a helpless feeling coming from the Buffaloes.

     
    Full Story
    (Matt York / Associated Press)
    College footballCU football: Buffs reeling from first blowout loss

    Turnovers, sacks allowed pile up in defeats

    After many of Colorado's Pac-12 losses over the years, there was a helpless feeling coming from the Buffaloes.

     
    Full Story
    (Paul Aiken / Staff Photographer)
    Second Story Garage: Gasoline Lollipops

    The Boulder alt-country band gives its EPs names such as Death and Resurrection, and its songs bear the mark of hard truths and sin. But the punk energy behind the playing, and the sense that it's all in good fun, make it OK to dance to a song like "Death." Full Story