Fantz in Your PantsFantz in Your Pants: Foaming at the mouth

Lady likes to slip into a sexy pair of platform foam, to her husband's dismay
11/09/2018 05:09 PM MST
Dear Christy, My wife bought a pair of those platform Crocs and they are the most hideous things I've ever seen. 
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Fantz in Your Pants: The lock screen
11/02/2018 07:29 PM MDT - We all have inappropriate friends. Like the one who texts pictures of dudes humping tailpipes or a nutsack silhouette gracing a white sand beach. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Barflies and bro-flies
10/26/2018 03:57 PM MDT - I was enjoying a nice evening watching Ohio State football team get their asses handed to them when I overheard a conversation at the bar: "Does she have big boobs? Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Punk-rock rage
10/12/2018 08:03 PM MDT - I went to a punk-rock show on Tuesday, and it was a needed dose of medicine: angsty screams (among loving smiles) from Laura Jane Grace, a welcoming crowd in a sea of combat boots and a one-on-one night with my brother. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Bucket list begins
10/05/2018 06:32 PM MDT - Hey Fantz, The Silver Foxes never know, from day to day, how much time we have left. While we think and hope that there will be many days that we pursue our simple pleasures, every day we face our own mortality in so many ways. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Sausage show and insecure in the brassiere
09/28/2018 06:57 PM MDT - Fantz: When I was competing in an Oktoberfest beer stein-hoisting game, my friends pantsed me as I held two overflowing steins in front of me. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: See where your fingers take you on National Singles Day
09/21/2018 07:48 PM MDT - Today is National Singles Day. As the official ambassador to awkward sex topics and the culprit to landing Baby Boomers in confessional boxes, yours truly is here to bring out the ass in ambassador. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: BroBot and the Boring Boners
09/12/2018 12:13 PM MDT - "I'm getting in a hilarious Twitter fight with some muscle bros," I texted my sister. Really. This lift-heavy-or-die dude I'll judgingly stereotype as an Imagine Dragons-loving, Ed Hardy bedazzled jean-wearing, Jersey Shore #swagtastic shirtless wonder pops all over my notifications. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Lunch on the loo
09/05/2018 12:49 PM MDT - Hey Fantz, Let's say you're a bachelorette and you get lured up to some guy's place. (He will remain unnamed, but let's call him John for the fun of it). Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Sex so dirty it should be illegal
08/21/2018 08:21 PM MDT - Dear Christy, I just want a nice, modest woman who wants to be fucked like an inmate. Is that so wrong? Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Caution, bumps ahead
08/14/2018 08:20 PM MDT - Dear Fantz, Please help. I started dating a new girl and she wasn't that into the sex right off. Instead of being defensive, I spoke to her about it like a good partner should. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Tall tales and body dysmorphia
08/08/2018 03:01 PM MDT - "Good lord, why are you wearing heels, girl? You're already so damn tall," Female Pharmacist asked. "I like to intimidate people," I said, laughing and throwing up awkward Godzilla arm gestures while stomping around. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Crab boil (the hot tub won't kill your crotch critters)
08/02/2018 12:44 PM MDT - Dear Christy, If I get crabs, can I sit in a hot tub or a hot bath and kill them off? The hot chemicals seems like a winning death sentence for the creatures. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Digits gone wild
07/25/2018 12:59 PM MDT - Christy: My girlfriend likes to stick her finger up my bum, but I have hemorrhoids that hurt when she does. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Conversations with Siri
07/18/2018 02:47 PM MDT - My brain's a mess, but I'm trying to compartmentalize. I sometimes turn to Siri, but that usually ends up with me daydreaming about her mangled robot body smashed in traffic. Full Story

Fantz In Your Pants: Dancing with himself
06/27/2018 02:17 PM MDT - Dear Christy, I met this guy who is perfect on paper but horrible at dancing. At a club last weekend, it was so embarrassing, people were putting him on social media. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Silver Fox lockdown
06/20/2018 02:07 PM MDT - The Silver Foxes told me that between five of them, they've been hitched for a grand total of *car alarms raging* *sirens wailing* *tornado warning sirens screaming* *doorbells ringing* *bats screeching* *shuttles launching* 218 years. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Party for one
06/12/2018 07:49 PM MDT - Once upon a Greek mythology ago, Narcissus was frolicking about, a ridiculous sense of entitlement lifting his gait. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Cat-scratch herpes
05/30/2018 12:23 PM MDT - Dear Christy, I just read about a woman with HSV1 who transmitted the virus to her baby because she kissed him near his eye. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Oh, you nasty boys
05/23/2018 02:37 PM MDT - Old dudes have brought it to Fantz in Your Pants' attention that my columns have been lacking the filth they crave. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Peeping Tinder
05/16/2018 12:21 PM MDT - Rockwell, a vintage synthesizer and an '80s pop song walk into a bar. "Can the people on TV see me?" asked Rockwell. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Raging at machines
05/01/2018 08:53 PM MDT - Christy, Remember me? I'm that blonde girl in the black Maserati who sped past you on the shoulder Tuesday when you were driving. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Fantz in the judges' pants
04/24/2018 08:19 PM MDT - Homies, I won an award for this column. (A focus group goes wild.) The geriatric cat is out of the Depends bag: Fantz in Your Pants is not a page of outhouse newsprint with which you should wipe your ass. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Genie in a hormone bottle
04/11/2018 02:49 PM MDT - Dear Christy, I saw an Ageless Male pill commercial on ESPN and I'm wondering if it will really make me the man I want to be? Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Juul of the Nile
04/04/2018 02:25 PM MDT - I like to age myself. Like with that headline. Or with premature wrinkles from smoking. Watch me age myself again: Juuling, Juuling, Juuling, do you love me? Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Medusa's wrath
03/21/2018 12:56 PM MDT - Twenty-eight days? You just left, writhing bitch. Well, I guess 28 days ago. Medusa's head rents my uterus five days a month. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: A tale of bikes and boyshorts
03/13/2018 12:02 PM MDT - I bought a sweet beach cruiser a decade(ish) ago. I paid about $300 for it — super-ghetto standards by ye Boulder bike-isseurs, but I just needed something to get to work and home. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Cough, hack, barf
03/07/2018 12:41 PM MST - Instead of writing my column from the over-roasted confines of Starbucks down the street, I decided to get to my doctor's appointment an hour early and pen this gem from the Kaiser Permanente lobby. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Luck o' the old bag
02/26/2018 08:22 PM MST - Christy: St. Pat's is coming up and your BFF from college is visiting, but you're kind of over the whole get-smashed-in-LoDo-with-a-bunch-of-drunk-people gig. Full Story

Fantz in Your Pants: Lukewarm beef injection
02/22/2018 09:36 AM MST - This is not a column about my husband slamming a baby in my uterus. You wish. That's a *hot* beef injection. Full Story

(Matt York / Associated Press)
College footballCU football: Buffs reeling from first blowout loss

Turnovers, sacks allowed pile up in defeats

After many of Colorado's Pac-12 losses over the years, there was a helpless feeling coming from the Buffaloes.

 
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(Matt York / Associated Press)
College footballCU football: Buffs reeling from first blowout loss

Turnovers, sacks allowed pile up in defeats

After many of Colorado's Pac-12 losses over the years, there was a helpless feeling coming from the Buffaloes.

 
Full Story
(Paul Aiken / Staff Photographer)
Second Story Garage: Gasoline Lollipops

The Boulder alt-country band gives its EPs names such as Death and Resurrection, and its songs bear the mark of hard truths and sin. But the punk energy behind the playing, and the sense that it's all in good fun, make it OK to dance to a song like "Death." Full Story