What the hell. It's almost 2016. Didn't we just St. Paddy's?
Fermented memory aside, high-five to 2-0-1-5, right? Sure it had its drunk nights, its tragedy and its sad, sad songs. But there was also rainbow days, happy stories and lots of internet animal pictures. Since that legal weed crept into your head and suctioned itself to your memory, I'll sum up the year for you. Note: This is all fuzzy pop-culture fare, I'm steering clear from sad stuff. Go chug a rainbow and hug a leprechaun with me.
Of interest: Lamar Odom was the most-searched item on Google for the year. Sure, involved parties were a brothel and the City of Sin, but let's strive for a better No. 1 in 2016, pals.
January: We were still half asleep after that New Year's eve. Next...
February: Oscars were a very white affair as zero actors of color were nominated. We all got drunk on Valentine's Day. Robert Durst confessed that he "killed them all" on HBO's "The Jinx." Sweet fancy Moses, remember that stupid ass dress that went viral and caused an uproar about whether it was blue and black or white and gold? It was white and gold, goddammit.
March: Han Solo crashed his vintage plane into a golf course. Harrison Ford, sweet pal, tipping back some cocktails in the cockpit were we? Kendrick Lamar released To Pimp a Butterfly. We drank green beer and plowed car bombs.
April: Another legal 4/20. We've realized that hot-boxing the pantry is far superior than standing on a quad with 10,000 stoners. Amy Schumer premiered her sketch show. Sarah Thomas became the first full-time woman ref in the NFL.
May: "Mad Men" ended, David Letterman bailed on late night, but most importantly, Royal Baby Charlotte was born. Then the damn Duggar scandal broke, prompting us all to check out Ashley Madison because we're curious perverts.
June: Bruce Jenner revealed Caitlyn in that forever-burned-in-your-memory cream corset on the cover of Vanity Fair. Taylor Swift threw down with Apple about denying artists royalties. NBC's Brian Williams apologized for his liar, liar pants on fire. The Supreme Court ruled same-sex couples have the right to marry.
July: Aside from us celebrating my birth, Harper Lee dropped (she's gangsta) her much-anticipated "Go Set a Watchman." Bill Cosby became a less Cuddly Sweater Dad when more than 50 women accused him of sexual assault. U.S. and Cuba restored diplomatic relations after 54 years.
August: Jon Stewart left us after 16 years. We all cry. Then we drink because school started, so we raged like it's 1989 to 1989. (Oh, Swift.) "Sesame Street" moved from PBS to HBO.
September: Stephen Colbert joined late-night TV and Donald Trump said some stupid shit. Then that Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis said some stupid shit. Boulder got it's first fall snow. Scientists found water on Mars! Go science.
October: The world poops its drawers on "Back to the Future" day all the way until the trailer for "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" was released. October smelled like nerds and pumpkin beer.
November:Charlie Sheen revealed he tested positive for HIV. Porn stars across the world collectively seized in horror. We shoveled turkey in our gullets and pissed on Black Friday. Well, some of you.
December: Adele. Star Wars. Adele. Star Wars. Adele. Ugly sweaters. Star Wars. Polish sausage. Adele. SAINT WEST. My God. Saint Mother Loving West.
See you next year.