Nixon in nature. Is it a bird? A plane? A Choco Taco?
Nixon in nature. Is it a bird? A plane? A Choco Taco? (Courtesy)

Sam Nixon pens the column "Words From a Nerd" for the Colorado Daily every Wednesday. His witty masterpieces focus on under-the-radar film, tech talk, gaming and streaming shows. Get to know your pal, Sam.

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

Nothing too extravagant. With age, I've become slightly less susceptible to being goaded into questionable situations by the promise of frozen treats. So I'd do whatever's equivalent in effort to the sticker price of a frozen confection. But a Choco Taco? Can we talk about the Klondike brand's underappreciated little brother here for a second? I'd do dark things for a Choco Taco. Unspeakable things.

What's your favorite furry animal, fake or real?

I appreciate the soft lob to get me started in talking about my cat. There are more impressive beasts, both fake and real, but Mr. Kitty's the only one that comes waddling into the front room when I get home to meow at my feet and stare through me with vacant, dead eyes. He also provides me with a constant scapegoat for farting in the presence of company. Practical applications abound with that one.

Would you rather lick a hospital's doorknobs or slurp a booze shot off of a bar floor?

That's a pretty fucked up question, Christy. I'm going to take the obvious choice here and go with the doorknobs. Medical professionals always have the best-tasting hands. And what's the point in having an immune system if I'm not going to take the damn thing out for a test drive every once in awhile?


Advertisement

If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

Surprisingly enough, I have not given a lot of thought to this topic. You'd think I'd immediately have a few options like "flammable urine" or "elbows that glow in the dark" on hand, but no. I think I'd be lame and go with the power of flight, but only under certain conditions — like only if I remain perfectly still on the upswing of a skip. And the vertical increase would be very lackluster, topping out at around an inch a second, so that passersby would think I'm just a really committed frolicker and it finally paid off.

What or who inspired you to become a writer?

My older brother is dyslexic and I used to help him edit essays in high school. That was my first foray into working with words; it wasn't so much an inspiration as a realization that I enjoyed it, so I tried to stick with it. Various English teachers and my dad helped stoke the fire along the way with recommendations and encouragement, but essay rewrites were the seed.

What are your thoughts on hashtags?

They can certainly be annoying, but they're a necessary evil. Categorization is important on the shitmaze that is the Internet, and it's hard to deny the role hashtags play in organizing social movements or connecting people in times of turmoil. They've also done wonders in easing my constant and arduous search for #picturesofcatswithbananapeelsontheirheads, so I feel as though I owe them a personal solid.

Read more Nixon: coloradodaily.com/columnists.