Just an alter-ego catfishing Google
The internet knows us better than we know ourselves. This is not news. There are countless stories such as the one detailing how Target's customer tracking identified a teenager's pregnancy before her father knew about it.
It's a scary world we live in.
Yet, I seem to have thoroughly confused The Internet and have thrown Google off its tracks.
I regularly get ads for singles meet-ups and dating websites. Since I've subscribed to Match.com and Tinder in the past, this doesn't really surprise me. But it does prove a point: Google knows I'm single. Based on the ads I see for mortgages and refinancing, I'm also guessing that Google knows I'm a homeowner.
When my sister was pregnant, I spent time searching for baby items and shower ideas and shortly after, I saw an ad for a single parent support group. I wonder if The Internet thought I was about to become a single mom, or if I'm on some sort of government watch list for Potential Baby Snatchers.
My sister is getting married, so our bridesmaid group has a Pinterest board for wedding ideas. This really seems to have thrown The Internet off. It knows I don't have a boyfriend or fiance, it thinks I might be a single mom, and it appears to have decided that I'm a crazy person. I've started to see boards made by people planning "Someday Weddings." Specifically, it continues to suggest a board called, "Someday My Prince Will Come."
I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying my online alter-ego. She sits alone all day in her big empty house (recently refinanced, of course) planning a wedding she'll never throw, and decorating rooms for children she'll never have. She has a cat, or rather, many cats dressed up in baby clothes that she bought before she was too washed-up to find love.
I genuinely feel like I'm catfishing Google.
In the past week alone, I've really stirred up my alter-ego's profile. I was texting a friend about his crazy Italian housekeeper, and naturally I had to Google "old gypsy woman" so I could send him a screenshot of the type of person I was picturing. A few days later while trying to recall an NPR story I read and after it retained zero details, I was forced to Google "Hot Transgender Guy."
After those reckless searches I cannot wait to see the next round of ads The Internet has in store for me.
Read more Liz Marsh: coloradodaily.com/columnists.