The world needs more gay dance clubs and fewer guns.

That was the first thing that came to mind after I learned a man walked into Pulse nightclub in Orlando earlier this month, killed 49 people and wounded dozens more.

Before we launch into another debate over gun control, radical Islam and, of course, blaming mentally ill people every time a mass shooting happens, let's just admit that more gay dance clubs would be a positive change for the community.

I don't have much experience hanging out at gay dance clubs. It's not because I'm homophobic. I just hate crowds, leaving my house, alcohol, those wristbands they make you wear, people and so on. If we are being totally honest, I'd rather have my feet pulled out through my ears than listen to dance music.

Barring any firsthand experience, I'm going to have to use secondhand information and knowledge I've gleaned from my years as a journalist and frequent sayer of "No, that's OK. You guys go. I'm going to stay in and watch 'For a Few Dollars More.' Again."

I've known plenty of women who frequented gay bars and clubs because it was a good place to go dance with friends without having some highly intoxicated stranger grind his semi-erect penis into their evening wear. That's just no fun at all.

I've been a crime reporter for about 10 years, and I've never written the following sentence: Police responded to a massive brawl at the [insert gay dance club name here] on Friday night. Hey, maybe it happens, but I've never seen it. I've definitely written, "Police responded to a brawl at [insert not gay bar/club name here] on Friday night."


One time I wrote about two men who got beaten up by the performers at an Oklahoma drag show for making homophobic remarks. But that was just funny.

I delivered pizza for about two years in a part of town home to most of the gay and lesbian bars and clubs. Many of my fellow drivers refused to take pizzas to these establishments. I always did. One, I'm not an asshole, and two (at the risk of making a broad generalization), gay people are excellent tippers. I cleaned up at those places. My favorite was a cowboy/leather bar called The Ranch. More gay dance clubs would bring a supreme financial boom to the open-minded pizza boys of the world.

It's just something to think about. Sure, there will be push back. The religious fundamentalists will protest. Fox news will decry the homosexual agenda. People will say, "What about the children?"

But let's be truthful. The New York Times reported that 8,124 people died from gun-related homicides in the United States in 2014. The unfortunate event at Pulse notwithstanding (Peace be upon you all), I'm pretty sure gay dance club-related fatalities are shockingly low.

Now's the time, people. A Pulse on every corner.

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