Dear Christy:

I went camping with my fiance's family and her mom walked up on me going to the bathroom in the woods. I was pooping. She walked away laughing, but it's been awkward ever since.

— No. 2

Oh shit:

Everybody poops. She was probably looking for a good spot to squat when she came across your smelly ass.

Make light of it. She laughed. Buy her a stuffed poop emoji and mail it to her. (Mail: conventional postal delivery service that hand delivers parcels, letters, postcards and packages. Not to be confused with the e-variety.) Every time you have to poop, send her an Evite.

Awkwardness always sucks, but if you can move past this with suavity, you could strike gold with the in-laws.

Dear Fantz:

On our first date, this guy I met online showed me like 30 condom wrappers he had saved with different girls' names written on them. What the hell? I haven't called him back.

— Grossed out

Craig's List:

You keep a notebook diary, he keeps lube-oozing foil squares in his bedside table.

Potato, potahto.

At least he didn't save the condom. (Do not look in the box under his bed. I smell rotten panties.)

He's boasting. Some broads like a braggart and some think they're juvenile. You're not into it. Don't call him back.

You should've told him you kept swabs of your exes' buttholes, if he wants to come look at them before dinner.


There's still time.


I'm getting married next month and my fiance has turned into groomzilla. When our planning schedule doesn't flow, he starts panicking and crying. Am I marrying a girl?? I love him, but, he's kind of ruining this exciting time for me.

— Bride to Be

The Wife:

First of all, Bridey Pants, dudes are allowed to cry. That doesn't make him a "girl." (But if you have any Midol, slip one into his wine cooler.)

The man's stressed. He needs to be relieved of some responsibilities. If you have family, friends or helpers around, farm out jobs. Planning a wedding is tough. That is one day you should both be happy.

Overthink this: Depending on how long you've known him and how he handles pressure, this could be normal for him. If you're already annoyed, are you prepared to be able to deal with this for life? What if he loses a job? Or runs out of tampons? Is there a chance he's not ready for this step? Could his overreacting be due to panic about nailing himself down for life?

Or nailing you for life?

Reassure him, help him, be kind to him.

Then bitchslap him, shake him and throw a drink in his face.

Next month isn't that far away. Panic is normal. But melting down when his heel breaks isn't.

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