Dear Christy,

I'm due to marry next summer and my girlfriend told me she needs a year to explore the world. I have a steady job and don't want to jeopardize it. After four years a couple, I'm hurt. And stuck with wedding invitations. I don't want to wait, so is this over?

—Fleeing Fiance

Freaked on Forever:

If I had an anal bead for every pal who sought out their true selves around the world, I'd be chasing stool softeners with Pepto for years. (It makes sense.)

Sorry pal, you have to let her go. She's an adult and deserves to steer her own path. If she stays here, she could end up resenting you for a loss of enlightenment.

If she invited you, weigh your options and decide what's best for your life. Don't just follow her — and if you do, don't be a dick about it. Maybe she's not ready for marriage. Maybe she wants to seek out self-sufficiency. Or maybe she just wants to travel before she's tethered to another human.

As Confucius said: "Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart."

If her heart isn't all with you, yours may end up breaking.

So while your lady lets her true self blossom, use this opportunity to find your own path. After years attached as a pair, the being can lose its sense of independence. (I saw yours at the strip club last night if you need a head start.) Be an adult and go soak those invitations in absinthe and smoke them.


As Fantz said: "'Wheresoever' is so B.C., Confucius."


Dear Christy,

I accidentally pocket-posted three selfies of me trying to pop a zit on my chin. I deleted them two hours later when I finally noticed, but I'm worried the damage is done. This guy I've been seeing has suddenly stopped talking to me. Sigh.

—Facebook Flop

Zit Face:

Gross. I hate zits. Now they're popping in my mind's eye. Gross.

Now that I've made you feel better, let me knock you down a peg.

I find your gaff quite humorous. After swiping by your artistic puss montage (gross), I'd probably have an inner cackle (not to be confused with outer cankle).

We all can agree the selfie as a mirror is a pro move. Aside from acting as a tool to fix lipstick, smudge eyeliner, check hair, scope out asses behind you, pop zits (I guess) and pick boogs — it also comes in handy when the need to strike a fish-gape pose arises. (What the duckface happened to your mouths? Try a smile.)

And although inadvertently taking three zit-popping selfies is a weak move, it is plausible. The pocket that posted the snaps as that handy little montage is suspicious, but also not outside the realm of possibility.

Maybe dude's been busy and he never saw it if it was only up for two hours. Take your flushed-face medicine, crawl into the couchhole for a day and — like that Thai food you just ordered — this, too, shall pass.

Let the situation breathe. (Not to be confused with that Jersey jag.) If he removes himself because of this, well that's not the kind you'd want to pop all over you anyway.

Just do the internet a favor, and next time you take a gander at your hemorrhoids, buy a compact mirror at Walgreens for 99 cents.

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