Liz Marsh
Liz Marsh

Screw daylight saving, amirite? My sister's bachelorette party was Saturday night, so I was awake much later than normal. I had the distinct, surreal displeasure of watching the clock on my cellphone change from 1:59 a.m. to 3:00. That was unsettling. And now here we are, thrust into the God-forsaken workweek in a sleepy haze because we fucked with our clocks.

Why do we do it?

Well, like so many terrible ideas such as marmite and driving on the left side, daylight saving time can be traced back to the British. In 1907, William Willet lobbied Parliament to move the clocks forward 80 minutes between the months of April and October. Eighty minutes, Mr. Willet? How in the fresh hell was that going to work? I can barely handle the combination of buttons one has to push to change the time on various devices around the house. Last night, I finally figured out my oven clock. But if I'd had to include math in the process, I'd be sitting on my kitchen floor weeping. What is 80 minutes from 5:47, Mr. Willet? Who can even figure that out? I do not feel bad that he died before ever seeing his dumb idea put into practice.


I had a secret weapon ready this morning: my $150 alarm clock. Yes, that is an obscene amount of money to spend on an alarm clock. Worth every penny. Instead of incessant beeping or Sonny and Cher jolting you out of your slumber, my alarm clock slowly bathes the room in a warm, morning-like light. You wake up naturally, as though with the sun, and as a result, you are less tired.

Even with my secret weapon, I was still pretty sleepy this morning. However, it did not cause me to completely forget how to drive, which cannot be said for most of the people in this city. Look folks, I know that you're used to driving in sunlight and today it was darker, but the mechanisms of the vehicle have not changed. The surface of the roads and the patterns of the traffic lights remain intact. So why did a whole bunch of you slam into each other this morning and turn the roads into parking lots?

Clearly, this has been a traumatic shift.

I think we all just need to relax and reset. Let's go grab a beer, and we'll try this time-change business again tomorrow.

At least patio drinking time has been extended for the season.

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