Freeman
Freeman

"How the hell did I get here?" I thought. There were so many levels to this inquiry.

"Have you had a tetanus shot lately?" a doctor asked. I think he was a doctor. It could have been a Muppet wearing scrubs for all I could tell.

"Umm." I couldn't remember my own name let alone my medical history. "Did I?"

"You had a seizure and hit your head," the Sesame Street surgeon said. "You're in an ER."

I have epilepsy. After a seizure, my brain takes a while to boot back up. "I'm supposed to be at work. Am I going to get fired?"

"Your seizure happened at work. If you get fired, you'll be able to sue them so bad you'll be able to retire. You're just fine, Casey. We just need to let things settle down and then we'll stitch you up."

"OK. I ... I'm sorry. I don't have insurance."

"Don't worry about that right now," Dr. Muppet sounds kind. Even though I could barely process thoughts, I worried about paying for this.

Then I heard a new voice: "I hate Mexicans! I am a Mexican! You should never bow down to the master of the commander in the universe of gods of monsters and the Bible that will never foretell the book of love!"

"Oh shit," Doc mutters. "I thought this was going to be a slow night. Just wait, and we'll stitch you up and get you out of here." The doctor ran out.

"This kid, we have no idea what he's on," I heard an EMT say. "Christ! We've got six guys trying to hold him down!"


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"There is never a beginning to the beginning," tripper dude continued. "Let me go so I can spread the love of words and the words of love and the love of love and word of word!"

"He's got no ID. We didn't find anything on him except for cigarettes," another EMT says. She'd be yelling, but it sounds like she's too tired. "Hey! Buddy! What did you take and how many?"

"I took five! I've created a monster! I'm alive and I exist."

"Took five of what?"

Across the hall, I hear somebody else.

"Get me out of this shithole! I want to go to Northwestern University Hospital! I have insurance! I shouldn't be here with this scum!"

A nurse runs up to him. "Look, sir. Please. You can't pull your IVs out. We're trying to help you. This is just the hospital closest to you." The guy screams at her some more, and I can hear her say a little louder than under her breath, "Asshole."

Meanwhile, tripper dude is still at it: "I have a library in my head and absolutely nothing is overdue except that ghost in the beginning of 'Ghostbusters'!"

As I watched this dude struggle in his shackles, I looked to one of the police officers watching over him and asked, "Am I in trouble?"

"For what? Are you on something?"

"No. I had a seizure."

"Shit. Well, don't worry about it. But look at this guy." The cop motions to the tripper and laughs. "Don't do drugs."

"Look bitch! I want to be in a nice hospital! You've got this fatass on drugs and this retard looking like a lost kid in the mall! Take. Me. To. A. Nice. Hospital!"

"Sir. I'm going to have to ask you to settle down."

"I'll sue your ass!"

"Excuse me, Mr. Freeman." Doc's back. "Please, sit down. I'll stitch you up."

"Did I get sent to this place because, because I'm crazy?" I asked. "Or an asshole?"

Doctor Muppet shakes his head. "I ask myself the same thing sometimes."

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