Bear
Bear

You might see me in a Walmart shopping for Banquet Dinners and bulk antifreeze on any given Sunday. You might notice the .40-caliber handgun lashed to my leg like Robocop. Furthermore, you might think to yourself, "Why is that big, strong man carrying a gun into Walmart? He could obviously lick anyone in a fight."

And it's true. I can lick anyone. I choose not to.

The lamestream fake news media might tell that you have a right to shop at Walmart and not feel afraid of the person standing next to you. But sorry, no. You don't have that right. You have a right to shut up.

I carry this gun — one of 25 that I own and keep strategically placed around the house for personal protection — with 15 bullets in the clip and one in the chamber because it's my sacred right as an American to carry a firearm wherever I want. That includes churches, children's sporting events and any goddamn swap meet I might take a fancy to. And Starbucks can kiss my ass. I don't need your damn pumpkin-spice latte anyway.

It's also my right to own at least one high-powered, semi-automatic rifle with a 40-round magazine, magnesium-tipped hollow-point bullets and a flash suppressor. Hopefully, the do-nothings in Congress will get off their fat asses and take away that entirely unconstitutional ban on silencers. How the hell else am I going to protect my family from some maniac with a gun and not wake up the neighbors? You tell me.


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And I suppose some of you are going to start whining about "mass shootings" and the "epidemic of gun violence in the United States." You're probably going to say we need gun control and whatever. Let me tell you something. For one, gun control won't work, and we know it won't work, so let's not try it at all. Secondly, gun control is for Nazis, and I don't abide Nazis unless of course they are out there protecting our Confederate monuments. That's my history you're messing with.

I've got more rights than just guns. I have a right to watch football and not be annoyed by spoiled athletes whining about police brutality, which is a myth by the way. And I have a right to not see, read or hear anything I don't agree with. And protestors disrespecting the flag and the president should be hauled off to jail. I have a right to say that. It's called the First Amendment.

In any case, if you don't like coming to Walmart and watching me exercise my gun rights, shop at Whole Foods, snowflake.

Read more Bear: coloradodaily.com/columnists. Stalk him: twitter.com/johnbearwithme