Freeman
Freeman

The #HimToo boogeyman is supposed to scare men in today's society, but I'm not shaking in my white-boy sneakers.

I could be a woman's nightmare: I'm a big, tattooed boozehound who likes sex almost as he likes naps, comic books and ninja stuff. Men are pretty scary, but I'm not afraid of being a man.

Yeah, I'm afraid of approaching to women, but that's because I'm really bad at it, not because today's women are any more standoffish than they've ever been.

I've been called a fucker, asshole and whatever gosh-darned words the kids use these days. But I've never been called a rapist or abuser. Why? Because I've never been either.

My ex-girlfriends will surely say I was a shitty boyfriend. I forgot anniversaries, purposefully didn't give stuff for Valentine's Day, dumped one before her birthday because I didn't want to buy her a gift and plenty more. But never once did I hit or force a partner to do something she didn't want to do. Except watch "Total Recall" for the 10th time.

Some "feminine but not feminist" Tweeters say feminists killed chivalry. Nope. I've lived in some of the most liberal of liberal cities but never experienced one of these straw man "bitch feminazis" calling me sexist for opening a door for her.

Want to know who killed chivalry? It was creepy guys who say, "Nice tits," to strangers and think that's a compliment. Then these creeps scream at the lass for being ungrateful. I don't need a Casanova degree to know that's not how attraction works.


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Am I supposed to worry about my drinking and drug use around women? Nope, and I'm not. I tip the bottle or get high not to trick women into sex or gain confidence to go after women, but because I enjoy the experience. If I'm intoxicating with a lady, she won't be intimidated by my sexual moves. More likely, she'll be bored or annoyed with all the "totally awesome" cartoons I just absolutely need to show her.

Tinder and Bumble help me find partners. There have been some awkward dates, but I've never been called a predator. I'm a pretty slow-going guy. If we actually meet, it's up to her to make the first-through-seventh moves. If my date shoots down my sexual advances, I shrug my shoulders, call it a night and figure there's another girl in the interwebs who might like me. I also don't send dick pics or hate mail if I'm being ignored. I've got better stuff to do.

I'm a man's man who likes lifting weights, whiskey and Wolverine, so why do I give a shit about women and their rights? Because I have lady friends and family members. I like them.

What I'm trying to say is that this imagined torrent of attacks against men shouldn't make innocent men afraid. It's the guys who like grabbing girls by the pussy who should worry.

Women have been afraid for a long, long time. Men, let's shut up and listen to why.

Read more Freeman: coloradodaily.com/columns. Stalk him: comfyconfines.wordpress.com