I'm Not ThereI'm Not There: Turkey in the pool

11/27/2016 04:11 PM MST
"The pregnancy app says now's a good time to take up swimming," said Manfriend. I looked up from the gallon Ziploc bag full of leftover croissants I'd been working my way through and wondered how someone so focused on a new life could be so cavalier with his own. 
Full Story
I'm Not There: Mystery burrito
11/13/2016 07:48 PM MST - On Friday, I rolled into work and discovered a burrito on my desk.  Full Story

I'm Not There: Death by a thousand cuts
11/06/2016 07:34 PM MST - When I was 8, I entered a writing contest at the San Jose Public Library and won first place. I've been riding that high for over 30 years. Full Story

I'm Not There: The baby shower
10/30/2016 06:36 PM MDT - I secretly hated baby showers since about 20 minutes into the first one, my ass sinking into the bottomless puffy pastel couch as I filled out a questionnaire about the sex, weight, height and birthday of a human I didn't know and who didn't exist yet, seconds before accidentally kicking over the fuchsia non-alcoholic punch I'd set down on the beige carpet. Full Story

I'm Not There: Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
10/23/2016 05:27 PM MDT - The fruit flies arrived a little over two weeks ago. I'd like to blame the potted tomato plant I brought in from the patio, but there was a bag of garbage I didn't know was leaking and the old onions and potatoes on the kitchen island I can't in good conscience eliminate as suspects. Full Story

I'm Not There: Keep Boulder weird
10/02/2016 03:32 PM MDT - Conor O'Neill's opened the year after I moved to Boulder, and now it's closing because the rent is too high. Full Story

'Don't Run with Scissors'
09/26/2016 02:11 PM MDT - A week ago, right before I had to leave for a concert, I got a really bad haircut. Scratch that: I gave myself a bad haircut. Full Story

Poke It With a Stick
09/18/2016 10:14 PM MDT - I dreamt I was shuffling around Pearl Street, carrying two pairs of shoes but wearing none, with a wet towel over my shoulder. Full Story

I'm Not There: Marina and the Three Bears
09/11/2016 03:32 PM MDT - She didn't belong there, in the small room on the third floor of the Victorian house in Denver, sitting at the too-large table, surrounded by chattering middle schoolers still trying to figure out how to get each others' attention. Full Story

I'm Not There: Nightmare on Smelm Street
09/04/2016 08:28 PM MDT - I don't tend to suffer from bad dreams in general, but last night, I experienced every nightmare my subconscious could throw at me. Full Story

I'm Not There: An open letter to my freshman roommate's mother
08/28/2016 05:39 PM MDT - Dear Mrs. Greunke, I wanted to take a minute to thank you for sending your daughter to college with a 64-pack of mini hot dogs. Full Story

Know your columnist: Fritz stars in 'I'm Not There'
08/21/2016 09:05 PM MDT - Jeanine Fritz has been there, done that and wrote all about it. Her column "I'm Not There" appears every Monday in the Colorado Daily. Full Story

I'm Not There: College puts you on Penny Lane
08/21/2016 06:01 PM MDT - I don't remember how I felt as I boarded the bus down the twisting road from my house and across the street from my high school, on my way to CU. Full Story

I'm Not There: As I lay dying
08/14/2016 08:06 PM MDT - I woke up face down on the floor, my chin and arm throbbing as the dog stared at me. I'd fainted in the doorway of my bedroom, seconds after realizing the tingling in my limbs was forcing them to buckle. Full Story

I'm Not There: Waking up to Shai-Hulud
08/07/2016 08:11 PM MDT - The dog barking outside at a Harley woke me from a dream. My eyes creaked open, fighting their crusty bonds, and there, on the buffalo print sheet 2 inches away, was something that forced a most unladylike URGHHNNN! Full Story

I'm Not There: Swim at your own risk
07/31/2016 04:12 PM MDT - When you think about how we kick off a birthday — essentially a celebration of surviving another year — it seems a little absurd. Full Story

I'm Not There: Predictably ridiculous
07/24/2016 04:59 PM MDT - Yesterday, I was up hours earlier than I wanted to be, stomping around the house as I tried on every swimsuit I owned before throwing it on the ground and picking up another, hoping it'd be the one that made me look tan and 20. Full Story

I'm Not There: Drunk with the power of the magic wand
07/17/2016 06:03 PM MDT - A couple of weekends ago, my friend, Jennifer, and I took a leisurely walk to get away from the hubbub of our campsite, and after some minor chitchat, the two of us got down to brass tacks. Full Story

I'm Not There: Preparation and technique are key in the Shower Derby
07/10/2016 03:19 PM MDT - Chuck the Bathroom Spider: Well, here we are folks. The sun is presumably shining outside, it's 7:53 in the morning, conditions are good here at Water Closet Downs where Fritz will make her 14,000th appearance at the Shower Derby, hoping to beat yesterday's time of 12 minutes. Full Story

I'm Not There: Your hangover and you
07/03/2016 09:06 PM MDT - You sorta feel like vomming right now, eh? An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of yak the next morning after a long weekend of drinking — but maybe you didn't remember in time; it's too late, and your head is in the toilet. Full Story

I'm Not There: The pool key
06/26/2016 03:15 PM MDT - A few weekends ago, my friends were hanging out at their neighborhood pool when a man arrived at the locked gate and asked the people sitting closest to open it for him. Full Story

I'm Not There: 'Cheerio' or 'If He's Not There'
06/19/2016 01:38 PM MDT - I write these columns on Sundays, and right now my Facebook feed is filled with photos of smiling people with their dads because it's Father's Day. Full Story

I'm Not There: Love to Orlando
06/12/2016 03:13 PM MDT - There are days where the title of this column feels especially appropriate, where my understanding of the world I live in feels woefully insufficient. Today is one of those days. Full Story

I'm Not There: Belly of the beast
05/29/2016 10:21 PM MDT - This story was dictated to me during a camping trip by a man who wishes to remain anonymous. The locations, names, and brands of underwear have been changed to protect the innocent. Full Story

I'm Not There: Shoot the messenger
05/15/2016 07:53 PM MDT - The message seemed pretty clear: "We've got your cat. He's wearing a shamrock collar. If that sounds like Baz, give us a call." Full Story

I'm Not There: Oh, Momma
05/08/2016 08:03 PM MDT - As I write this, Facebook is plastered with images of people's moms, making silly faces, or posing with old muscle cars, or caught quietly reflecting next to a bookcase in really nice light. Full Story

I'm Not There: The finals countdown
05/01/2016 07:51 PM MDT - Dear Students, One of my favorite lines from "Tommy Boy" is when Chris Farley says, "You know, a lot of people go to college for seven years," and David Spade replies, "I know. They're called doctors." Full Story

I'm Not There: Please excuse me
04/24/2016 11:39 PM MDT - Dear Editor, I won't be able to turn a column in this week because my idiot boyfriend fell into a lake and his phone was in his pocket. He was standing on the dock getting ready to cast his line in when the wind picked up. (Taking us all fishing in a storm is just the kind of fun he's into.)  Full Story

I'm Not There: Welts of approval
04/11/2016 02:03 PM MDT - People talking about the beginning of a romantic relationship often refer to the magic of a first kiss, or the electricity that buzzes through them when their paramour calls or initiates that first hand holding. Full Story

I'm Not There: Walls of wondering
04/03/2016 06:35 PM MDT - The last time I heard from Trevor I didn't respond right away. One day later a second message arrived reading, "Thanks for the reply." Full Story

(Matt York / Associated Press)
College footballCU football: Buffs reeling from first blowout loss

Turnovers, sacks allowed pile up in defeats

After many of Colorado's Pac-12 losses over the years, there was a helpless feeling coming from the Buffaloes.

 
Full Story
(Matt York / Associated Press)
College footballCU football: Buffs reeling from first blowout loss

Turnovers, sacks allowed pile up in defeats

After many of Colorado's Pac-12 losses over the years, there was a helpless feeling coming from the Buffaloes.

 
Full Story
Second Story Garage: Bandits

Boulder is pretty good at producing rock bands, and by "rock," we mean the in-your-face, guitar-heavy, leather-clad variety — you know, the good kind. For a prime example, look no farther than BANDITS. Full Story

National & World Video