• The China Monologues: A guilt trip home - 07/24/2017 05:43 PM MDT
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    You have died of dysentery.
    (Loveland Reporter-Herald file photo)
    I'm Not ThereI'm Not There: Westward the wagons

    The human comedy is punctuated by bloated calves and a sabbatical
    03/13/2017 02:09 PM MDT
    Just shy of a decade ago, I started this column before moving to another country "Norway-bound, and Freakin' Out"). 
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    I'm Not There: C'mon, ride the train
    02/19/2017 04:43 PM MST - In 1996, the Quad City DJs released the dance anthem "C'Mon, 'N Ride It (The Train)." The video received a MTV Awards nomination for Best Choreography, although a recent screening reveals it's basically a Soul Train homage taking place inside a futuristic train/spaceship shaped like a ding dong. Full Story

    I'm Not There: FAQs for the 2017 high school madrigal concert
    01/23/2017 03:39 PM MST - This section was designed to answer the questions most often asked about the 2017 high school madrigal concert. Full Story

    I'm Not There: Chocolate bomb savages a world of white
    01/08/2017 03:42 PM MST - Sandwiched between white flannel snowflake sheets, nestled underneath a fluffy white down comforter covered in a white duvet, my head inches from white curtains — this is where I decided to have some dark chocolate at 2 in the morning. Full Story

    I'm Not There: You say you wanna resolution
    01/01/2017 04:21 PM MST - It is now late afternoon on Sunday, New Year's Day, and I've already come dangerously close — like Amazon one-click close — to breaking the resolution I set for myself last night. Full Story

    I'm Not There: If you can't find joy, make some
    12/18/2016 06:23 PM MST - I've been having a tough time getting into the holiday spirit. That's odd because I spend the other 11 months of the year tamping that spirit down, trying to ignore, deny and smother it into submission, straining not to spend hours pondering which candy cane flavor will fill the paperwhite bowl on the table, whether this is the year I attempt a Frank Lloyd Wright-inspired gingerbread house, and if it's too early to decorate with 25,000 imported Italian twinkle lights. Full Story

    I'm Not There: WJWND
    12/04/2016 05:45 PM MST - I was singing my new commuting song at the top of my lungs ... Jerks and Dummies! Dummies and Jerks! Who gave you a license? That ain't how this works!  Full Story

    I'm Not There: Turkey in the pool
    11/27/2016 04:11 PM MST - "The pregnancy app says now's a good time to take up swimming," said Manfriend. I looked up from the gallon Ziploc bag full of leftover croissants I'd been working my way through and wondered how someone so focused on a new life could be so cavalier with his own. Full Story

    I'm Not There: Mystery burrito
    11/13/2016 07:48 PM MST - On Friday, I rolled into work and discovered a burrito on my desk.  Full Story

    I'm Not There: Death by a thousand cuts
    11/06/2016 07:34 PM MST - When I was 8, I entered a writing contest at the San Jose Public Library and won first place. I've been riding that high for over 30 years. Full Story

    I'm Not There: The baby shower
    10/30/2016 06:36 PM MDT - I secretly hated baby showers since about 20 minutes into the first one, my ass sinking into the bottomless puffy pastel couch as I filled out a questionnaire about the sex, weight, height and birthday of a human I didn't know and who didn't exist yet, seconds before accidentally kicking over the fuchsia non-alcoholic punch I'd set down on the beige carpet. Full Story

    I'm Not There: Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
    10/23/2016 05:27 PM MDT - The fruit flies arrived a little over two weeks ago. I'd like to blame the potted tomato plant I brought in from the patio, but there was a bag of garbage I didn't know was leaking and the old onions and potatoes on the kitchen island I can't in good conscience eliminate as suspects. Full Story

    I'm Not There: Keep Boulder weird
    10/02/2016 03:32 PM MDT - Conor O'Neill's opened the year after I moved to Boulder, and now it's closing because the rent is too high. Full Story

    'Don't Run with Scissors'
    09/26/2016 02:11 PM MDT - A week ago, right before I had to leave for a concert, I got a really bad haircut. Scratch that: I gave myself a bad haircut. Full Story

    Poke It With a Stick
    09/18/2016 10:14 PM MDT - I dreamt I was shuffling around Pearl Street, carrying two pairs of shoes but wearing none, with a wet towel over my shoulder. Full Story

    I'm Not There: Marina and the Three Bears
    09/11/2016 03:32 PM MDT - She didn't belong there, in the small room on the third floor of the Victorian house in Denver, sitting at the too-large table, surrounded by chattering middle schoolers still trying to figure out how to get each others' attention. Full Story

    I'm Not There: Nightmare on Smelm Street
    09/04/2016 08:28 PM MDT - I don't tend to suffer from bad dreams in general, but last night, I experienced every nightmare my subconscious could throw at me. Full Story

    I'm Not There: An open letter to my freshman roommate's mother
    08/28/2016 05:39 PM MDT - Dear Mrs. Greunke, I wanted to take a minute to thank you for sending your daughter to college with a 64-pack of mini hot dogs. Full Story

    Know your columnist: Fritz stars in 'I'm Not There'
    08/21/2016 09:05 PM MDT - Jeanine Fritz has been there, done that and wrote all about it. Her column "I'm Not There" appears every Monday in the Colorado Daily. Full Story

    I'm Not There: College puts you on Penny Lane
    08/21/2016 06:01 PM MDT - I don't remember how I felt as I boarded the bus down the twisting road from my house and across the street from my high school, on my way to CU. Full Story

    I'm Not There: As I lay dying
    08/14/2016 08:06 PM MDT - I woke up face down on the floor, my chin and arm throbbing as the dog stared at me. I'd fainted in the doorway of my bedroom, seconds after realizing the tingling in my limbs was forcing them to buckle. Full Story

    I'm Not There: Waking up to Shai-Hulud
    08/07/2016 08:11 PM MDT - The dog barking outside at a Harley woke me from a dream. My eyes creaked open, fighting their crusty bonds, and there, on the buffalo print sheet 2 inches away, was something that forced a most unladylike URGHHNNN! Full Story

    I'm Not There: Swim at your own risk
    07/31/2016 04:12 PM MDT - When you think about how we kick off a birthday — essentially a celebration of surviving another year — it seems a little absurd. Full Story

    I'm Not There: Predictably ridiculous
    07/24/2016 04:59 PM MDT - Yesterday, I was up hours earlier than I wanted to be, stomping around the house as I tried on every swimsuit I owned before throwing it on the ground and picking up another, hoping it'd be the one that made me look tan and 20. Full Story

    I'm Not There: Drunk with the power of the magic wand
    07/17/2016 06:03 PM MDT - A couple of weekends ago, my friend, Jennifer, and I took a leisurely walk to get away from the hubbub of our campsite, and after some minor chitchat, the two of us got down to brass tacks. Full Story

    I'm Not There: Preparation and technique are key in the Shower Derby
    07/10/2016 03:19 PM MDT - Chuck the Bathroom Spider: Well, here we are folks. The sun is presumably shining outside, it's 7:53 in the morning, conditions are good here at Water Closet Downs where Fritz will make her 14,000th appearance at the Shower Derby, hoping to beat yesterday's time of 12 minutes. Full Story

    I'm Not There: Your hangover and you
    07/03/2016 09:06 PM MDT - You sorta feel like vomming right now, eh? An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of yak the next morning after a long weekend of drinking — but maybe you didn't remember in time; it's too late, and your head is in the toilet. Full Story

    I'm Not There: The pool key
    06/26/2016 03:15 PM MDT - A few weekends ago, my friends were hanging out at their neighborhood pool when a man arrived at the locked gate and asked the people sitting closest to open it for him. Full Story

    I'm Not There: 'Cheerio' or 'If He's Not There'
    06/19/2016 01:38 PM MDT - I write these columns on Sundays, and right now my Facebook feed is filled with photos of smiling people with their dads because it's Father's Day. Full Story

    I'm Not There: Love to Orlando
    06/12/2016 03:13 PM MDT - There are days where the title of this column feels especially appropriate, where my understanding of the world I live in feels woefully insufficient. Today is one of those days. Full Story

    (Matt York / Associated Press)
    College footballCU football: Buffs reeling from first blowout loss

    Turnovers, sacks allowed pile up in defeats

    After many of Colorado's Pac-12 losses over the years, there was a helpless feeling coming from the Buffaloes.

     
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    (Matt York / Associated Press)
    College footballCU football: Buffs reeling from first blowout loss

    Turnovers, sacks allowed pile up in defeats

    After many of Colorado's Pac-12 losses over the years, there was a helpless feeling coming from the Buffaloes.

     
    Full Story
    (Paul Aiken / Staff Photographer)
    Second Story Garage: Gasoline Lollipops

    The Boulder alt-country band gives its EPs names such as Death and Resurrection, and its songs bear the mark of hard truths and sin. But the punk energy behind the playing, and the sense that it's all in good fun, make it OK to dance to a song like "Death." Full Story

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