T here's nothing more satisfying than partying like a bastard two months after a grueling first half of the spring semester.

Relax, friends. Spring break makes and breaks things. Here are some tips from the pro (that's right) on how to have a blast, but keep all of your pieces intact when it's time for spring semester, part deux.

PLAN, PLAN, BACKUP PLAN

We hear these dramatic stories about spring breaks gone awry with crimes of the worst proportions.

You need a plan. Map out your trip -- whether it's to Moab, Mexico or Morocco -- and give a full itinerary, hotel names and numbers and daily itinerary to a couple of friends. You don't have to send your drinking plans to your parents, but make sure to send information to various friends or relatives while you're gone.

Whether you're with a group or travelling alone, it's always best to let someone back home know what you're up to, in case of any unfortunate event.

STRANGER DANGER

We're not in Boulder anymore, Ralphie. CU students are lucky to live in a town where everybody knows your name. Well, at least six people do. And the liquor store clerk. And most of the Half Fast employees.

Put up your guard on spring break. No, you don't have to be a dick (unless it's in your nature, and in that case, still don't, asshole), but don't become extra chummy with locals or visitors around town. They may seem like a golden lad/lassie, but they may be a monster in dragon's clothing. Whatever that means. Be on guard.

SEX

Spring break has the reputation of Paris Hilton. It's hot, long and it goes all night long. Unless you're doing Christian missionary work in Tim Tebow land or camping in Utah with your fiancé, you may be looking to get laid. Before spring break, it's important to get checked to insure you're clean. If you aren't clean, you need to know so you can take the precautions, meds and safe steps in case a sexual encounter occurs.

And, of course, if you're going to sleep with someone you don't know, use protection. The last thing you need is a child for senior year -- or crotch critters, at that.

Then also get tested after spring break if you were sexually active. Sexually transmitted diseases can really kill a gangbang. I mean, relationship.

BUY YOUR OWN DRINKS

OK, mom.

I know, right. We've heard it a million times: Don't leave your drink unattended. Don't let someone else buy your drink. Don't share your drink with strangers.

Alas, mom is smart.

Some people are malicious and have ulterior motives. It's not that hard to keep an eye on your drink, and if someone buys you a drink, leave it. Your sanity and safety is worth more than a $3 vodka shot.

DRINK RESPONSIBLY

You break your leg in Cancun, not only are you now out of the wet T-shirt contest, but you're also in a lot of pain. And neither your mom, dad nor primary care physician is there to bail you out.

Drinking is a fun sport, but treat it like a sport. No unnecessary roughness, no dancing on a ladder and no diving head-first into a kiddie pool. Have a good time and enjoy your spirits, but just remember that you're not belly-up to your beer pong table.

If you're feeling drunk, start pounding water. But not from a stranger.

Danger!

Good talk.