Elwood!
Elwood! (Courtesy photo)

As the VMA Miley Circus has been the talk of the tabs for the past shut the fuck up o'clock, I guess I finally had to watch it.

Fans are rabid about what the Fantz has to say about the subject. (Not really, but in my mind's eyeball they are.)

Verdict: That song is stupid.

All this Miley talk, and I couldn't even find the broad on stage. Also, was anyone else weirded out that the Elwood the ugly Chihuahua kept humping Beetlejuice and a foam finger?

Straight up now tell us, Paula

Paula Abdul told ABC News she wants to transition into acting.

"Itsssssss beeen fun ssssssingin, but I now want to go on the tellllllllllevisssssss...."

English, mother fuzzer, do you speak it?

"You can't underssssssssssttan me?"

No, you were saying?

"I so ready to act on the tellllllevisssss..."

I think she's trying to say "television" But now she's face-down in a powder keg of morphine, so we'll get back to you after we hurl her into a tub of smelling salts.

We are family

Remember "Full House"?

Of course you don't. It ended when you were a mere twinkle in your mother's uterus.

For those who were subject to the life lessons from Bob Saget in mom jeans... we remember the days of the Olsen twins as babies, John Stamos as Uncle Jessie and that cute little lispy Stephanie Tanner, who later turned to coke binges and meth.

Anyway, the cast had quite the reunion at Stamos' 50th birthday party in Los Angeles Monday.

I hear the Olsen twins weren't even there — Stamos decorated a corner wall with cardboard cutouts of the pair. (Mary-Kate and Ashley were at the Palm Beach retirement community. MK had to change her lover Olivier Sarkozy's bed pan.)

Candace Cameron Bure (D.J. Tanner) was sipping on O'Doul's while knitting her brother Kirk a likeness of Mel Gibson on a crucifix. Meanwhile Bob Sagat bogarted the mic and verbally puked out "comedic" rubbish that even made Katt Williams blush from the slammer.

Christy Fantz
Christy Fantz

Contact Christy Fantz at 303-473-1107 or fantz@coloradodaily.com