Sean Combs has a dream.

Who?

He's that rack of teef who will keep on riding Biggie's coattails until he trips over his own lips. He's the "artist" formerly known as Diddy. Sean John. Puffy. Puff Daddy.

Crickets?

He launched a new TV channel featuring all music, all the time — a new outlet for music video fans since MTV is an old, graying prostitute in reality TV's sack.

It's called Revolt and it will air music videos with some news, concerts and artist interviews — available only on cable.

Cable. Is that like a VCR?

Combs spoke to news outlets on the front steps of the Brooklyn home where the late Notorious B.I.G. grew up.

Puffy, let him go.

 

Biggie's rubbing canola oil on Hoffa in the Bermuda Triangle. He doesn't remember you.

Fax us and let us know how your cable TV show goes.

Baby grease balls

Remember "Jersey Shore?"

Erase, erase, erase.

Well Pauly D had a baby girl with a former slampiece, who he only recently found out was knocked up.

Snooki's all sorts of excited in a statement to Us Weekly, "YAY so happy for Pauly!! Now Lorenzo has a girlfriend!"

Lorenzo is Snooki's 14-month-old son. (Why do I know this shit.)

If Pauly D's little broad and Snooki's baby guido make babies in the future, it's going to be a large can of hairspray, with crabs.

The mom was a one-night stand cocktail waitress who lives in Jersey. They banged in Vegas. She has another son from a previous relationship.

The live a life like prose — almost like they're inside a Bob Ross painting. So serene and bush-filled.

The Bieber Beaver

A 33-year-old man ("songwriter," so he says) in Los Angeles spent his life savings ($100 grand) on surgery to look like Justin Bieber.

(I wonder if that included the sex reassignment surgery.)

Oh buddy. For only $30K, I'd have tucked your saggy nuts with hot pink Duct tape, dipped you in Rogaine, rubbed you up with Botox (purrrrr), tossed on some lip stain and sliced your dudepiece in half to craft a bitchpiece. (A Kanye West, is what the kids are calling it.*)

"I know there is more work to be done in order to make a full transformation into Justin Bieber's doppelganger like a nose job and jaw reduction, which my surgeon has suggested," he told a British rag.

*I'm "the kids."

 

A royal affair

I don't know about you chums, but all I can wonder is what Kate Middleton wore to her baby's christening?

It was Wednesday, but I was too busy waxing my cankles, so I didn't peruse the news.

The baby apparently donned a gown that has been worn by 60 prior royal babies. At least we know he smelled like shit.

While we reflect on this conundrum, let's see how Bruce Jenner's tits are coming in...

Still growing.

Follow Christy: twitter.com/fantzypants