Don't be fooled by the stores vom-ing Christmas crap everywhere. It's actually Halloween weekend, and a very important weekend for the young.
Think you're too old? Too good for mindless shenanigans and having the poop scared outta you?
Fine, fool. Stay home.
But there are definitely perks to the whole grown-up adult thing.
Pros: Validation from getting eyeballed when you're rocking the too-scandalous costume. Discounted liquor for cheap booze-lovers. A chance to regress and be your favorite Disney princess (guys, that means you too).
Cons: Not quite as easy as begging neighbors for candy. It's not as cute when you pass out early (and it sure as hell isn't from a sugar coma). You'll freeze your ass off because you have no parents forcing you to wear the weather-appropriate jacket.
So here are a few spots catering to you beautiful, costume-clad folk searching for a sassy time. Right place right time, and you'll even see this girl out imbibing as drunk Cinderella. The drunk part may or may not be an act at that point.
BRU Handbuilt Ales (5290 Arapahoe Ave.) will be handing out $3 pints to those in their Halloween finest.
Chipotle (1650 28th St. and 919 Pearl St.) is also rocking the "discounts for duds" deal, with $3 burritos (tortilla-ed or naked), salads and tacos. Plus, I hear there may be an honest-to-god celeb appearance, but as it's unconfirmed, I shall leave it at that. (If you're like my friends and me, that'll be enough to hook you.) *WARNING: Lines will be out the door.
At the Attic Bar and Bistro (949 Walnut St.), costumes are encouraged as you get all silly with $3 Fat Alberts and Chilly Alberts, the former's slushified cousin. Plus, there'll be a DJ in house. Woot.
You can rock out with your ... somethings out to the Matt Flaherty Band at Conor O'Neills (1922 13th St.) on Friday, which is still technically Halloween weekend. Or at least I hope it is, since that's when you'll see this girl. Check them out from 10 p.m. to close.
And then there's the costume contest bananza.
You're pretty much being judged all night. Not that that's different from any other night. It's just this time, if people like what they see, they'll give you cash and prizes, rather than a lame-ass pick-up line, shot or next-morning walk of shame.
At Bacaro Taverna (921 Pearl St.), they're keeping happy hour all night, with a costume contest from 10 to 11 p.m. Best celebrity mockery, most original, funniest, sexiest, etc. And then once you get showered with prizes (or left sad in the shadows because all you did was put on a sweater vest and say you're Chandler Bing), you can dance it out from 11 p.m. to close.
Good ol' Walrus Saloon is going all out for Halloween with a costume contest of their own. There will be exclusive fish bowls, $1 Jell-O shots and DJ Z-Staar bumpin da beats all night.
Leave it to Absinthe House (1109 Walnut St.) to come up with a weekend's worth of drunken times. Like Thursday. They advertise it as Ladies Night and Halloween all in one, which I take to mean awesome drink specials to those of us with boobies and a costume contest on top of that (which will also lean in the favor of booby owners, I'd guess).
Friday night shall be Halloween 2, so says Absinthe, and Saturday their Warehouse Party "takes a sexy turn." Yea, you know it's going to be good if that's how they describe it. Basically, show up all weekend and dance your ass off.
Oak at Fourteenth, a shmancier dining option at 1400 Pearl St., has its own dance party Thursday night at 10 p.m. They'll have DJ Mr. Gettdowne spinning the beats and snacks to buffer the stomach. They'll even have a psychic there to read tarot cards if you're: 1. Up to hearing what will probably be a bleak future and 2. Into that sort of thing. Caveat: $5 cover. But worth it.
But hey, let's just say you're a wee bit tired of Halloween this and sexy costume that.
Fine. You've got options.
Like help Upslope Brewery celebrate its five-year anniversary. Awwww. On Friday, get the party going at the Lee Hill location from 2 to 8 p.m., with live music by The Prairie Scholars and food from the Bumper Crop food truck. Saturday, pop over to the Flatiron Park brewery for the Five Years of Beers Bash from 2 to 8 p.m. Special beers shall poor like ... beer and the Jeff Brinkman Band will give you something to jam to. Plus, Blackbelly Catering will serve up some delightful snacks.
On Friday, see a movie at The Dairy (2590 Walnut St.). I peruse their listings for what I think is "this column" material, and figure their film "A Hijacking" fits that bill. They sell it as "Captain Phillip" but better and more accurate. Sounds like it could be fun. That's showing Thursday. Head to thedairy.org for tickets and details.
Also at The Dairy: A Day of the Dead celebration. From 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. on Saturday, shop for authentic art and munch on quality Mexican food in the lobby.
Twisted Pine Brewery (3201 Walnut St., Suite A) is hosting a stand-up comedy night at 7 p.m. on Friday. Get in a few chuckles and laugh off the beer gut you're getting all weekend.
Now here's something a little nerdier but still sa-weet (pushes glasses up). The Boulder History Museum (2205 Broadway) has its Mod Men: The Work of Boulder's Postwar Architects exhibit up, and will be hosting resident mark Gerwing, chair of the Boulder Landmarks Board, to discuss Boulder's architecture from the '50s/'60s. It's from noon to 1 p.m. Friday.
Follow Alex on Twitter: @ansieh.