Kanye West - Bound 2 on MUZU.TV.

On Tuesday night, music writer Ashley Dean was doubled over with loud laugh bursts at her desk while watching something of note.

Minutes later, a link popped up in my Gchat:

"oh

my

god"

When I clicked the link, I also reciprocated with heavy snorts and hyena reverb.

Kanye West can have sex with his clothes on!

Christy Fantz
Christy Fantz (Courtesy photo)

The link was Mr. West and his fiance, Kim Kardashian — green screenin' it with the wonderment of a rugged desert landscape in the background — feigning softcore sex on a motorcycle. There were galloping horses, mountains, valleys, deserts and that sound, oh that sound. (I think it was music.)

I was positive it was a spoof.

After watching, I Googled "Lonely Island and Kanye West," assuming Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone and Akiva Schaffer were the gut behind the spoof. I kept waiting for comedian Jon Lajoie to pop up in his "Rapist Glasses."

To no avail, and more Googling... it was real.

It was his "Bound 2" video.

I need a banana, a DeLorean and Doc Brown. Back to '85 with you, Kanye.

Shake, shake, shake senora

Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse.

(Is he out?)

Not yet.

Grand Theft Winona took a break from pinching Prada to flap her lips.

"I'm kind of sworn to secrecy. But it sounds like it might be happening," Ryder told The Daily Beast.

That would be "Beetlejuice 2," a sequel to Tim Burton's 1988 comedy.

HOLY SHIT.

Ryder confirmed that she, Burton and Michael Keaton (the wonderfully striped bio-exorcist) are on board. (Not Robin Thicke, children.)

HOLY SHIT.

It's not a remake, she said, it's set 27 years later. Little goth Lydia will be all grown up.

Some rabid fans are pissed about the possibility of another "Beetlejuice," of course, because sequels can be a death sentence.

But it's Tim Burton. And as Harry Belafonte insists, I will jump in that line and rock my body in time.

Sexy man

Adam Levine was awarded the 2013 Sexist Man Alive by People magazine.

Reactions from "The Voice" homies:

Blake Shelton: "I want to be inside him."

Christina Aguilera: "I just broke a nail in my butthole."

Cee Lo Green: "My roofies didn't work on that pansy."

Carson Daly: "Cocaine is my spirit animal."

Brad's rosé

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie made a wine, because, why not.

Their Chateau Miraval Rosé 2012 was ranked in Wine Spectator's Top 100 Wines of the Year, at No. 84.

According to my calculations, that's an F.

Sixteen from the bottom? Fail.

But, it's an honor just to be nominated.

The managing editor of the rag called the wine, "refined and elegant," and that the "finish features flint and spice notes, with a hint of cream."

Which is also what Brad says after he mops up his manjuice off of Angie's face.

The supercouple developed the wine on their $60 million 35-bedroom estate in France that features a 1,200-acre vineyard, and is called Château Miraval.

Who the hell drinks rosé?

Alert the Red Hat Society. Pink wine happy hour at the VFW, bitches.

Follow Christy: twitter.com/fantzypants