If you're one of those fools who got in line at Best Buy last week waiting for Black Friday sales, then you are missing out on even better gifts. (I hope you jerkoffs are pounding whiskey on that sidewalk.)
Get your shopping done this weekend with some awesome Colorado gifts — remember that Colorado has the best state flag ever. Show your pride by gifting Colorado made. Here are a couple local markets to hit this weekend:
•Find the best handmade gifts and local art from 12 tables that represent more than 70 local artists at MegaFauna, 3102 Blake St., Denver, which is hosting Local Holiday Headquarters on Saturday from 2-7 p.m. Screw corporate America and buy local. There will be holiday treats and eats from Gigi's Cafe, as well as vodka drinks from Deep Eddy Vodka, because shopping with a buzz is way better. Info: megafaunastore.com; free
•Support your local journalists! Aside from sending me cashier's checks, which are always welcome, the Denver Women's Press Club Annual Jewelry Sale runs from Friday 10 a.m.-4p.m. and Saturday from noon-4 p.m. at the Denver Woman's Press Club, 1325 Logan St, Denver. The annual vintage jewelry sale will help you find a big, fat, gaudy, vintage necklace for me for Christmas. Proceeds will support scholarships for young women studying this lovely field. Info: dwpconline.org; free
•Friday from 11 a.m.-7 p.m., Saturday 9 a.m.-6 p.m. and Sunday 11 a.m.-4 p.m., the Mile High Holiday Mart will have tons of local merchants and crafts for your shopping pleasure at the Denver Marriott Tech Center, 4900 S. Syracuse, Denver. Info: jld.org/?nd=holiday_mart ; $10-12
Beer before turkey
Since you aren't going to ingest nearly enough carbs next week for Thanksgiving, go drink some hops at Mile High Station, 2027 Old W. Colfax Ave., Denver, for a 2013 Holiday Beer Bash on Friday at 5 p.m.
There will be more than 30 local and national breweries with about 100 samples to suck down, and local chefs will cook up some treats to taste. The party is very limited, so check out milehighstation.com to see if there's still room. Info: Get tickets at eventbrite.com; $35-45
Thanks to your mom, you remember punk rock, since she was moshing her face off while in heat.
Back in the day, and present in the day, Colorado has pumped out some old-school punk bands like Dr. Neptune, which formed in Fort Collins in 1994. Like most punk bands, they broke up, reunited, slashed each others' tires, held hands and got angsty and then everybody spooned.
That's not how it really happened, but the band is reuniting for two shows this weekend, so maybe we can all hold hands, then kick each other in the crotches.
3 Kings Tavern, 60 S. Broadway, Denver, is hosting the gig, Punx Not Dead...We're All Just Really F'n Old, on Friday and Saturday night at 6 p.m. The shindig will feature 15 of Denver's favorite punk rock bands, with Dr. Neptune headlining. Also on the bill is King Rat, Boldtype, Red Stinger, Frontside 5, Allout Helter, Dead Ringer and more.
"Punk's" not spelled with an "x." "RAGE," says the writer.
Go sweat out PBR tall boys at Denver's gritty club and mosh with the best of 'em.
Info: Friday and Saturday at 6 p.m.; 3kingstavern.com; $10-15
It's still Movember
And, of course, a Mustache Dache. for all ye who like to carry a portion of your breakfast with you all day via the peach fuzz on your upper lip.
It's Movember. Take your real — or fake — facial hair to this 5K and help raise money for men's health on Saturday morning. (October's got the boobies, November's got the testes. Go private parts!)
Don't forget to wear a costume — there will be prizes, like the best Tom Selleck and such. Participants get mustache bling, a chocolate mustache pop, a T-shirt and access to the post-race party featuring a photo booth, costume contest, food and more.
Info: Saturday at 9 a.m. at Stapleton Central Park, 8999 Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., Denver, with check-in and registration from 7-8:45 a.m.; mustachedache.com; $35-40
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