At Denver's Wings Over the Rockies Air and Space Museum on Saturday, Santa made a trip from the North Pole to have booze-infused adults sit on his lap and capture it on film at the 1940s White Christmas Ball.

(Get your hand out of Santa's velour. Let's take a moment here.)

The ball is a tribute to Pearl Harbor — which this year fittingly falls on Dec. 7. There will be real World War II planes, vehicles, artifacts, sleighs and movie-set props to peruse and pose next to. But most importantly, it will promise ball-goers in lavish period pieces the 1950s Queen of Rock herself, Wanda Jackson.

Christy Fantz
Christy Fantz

The ball has everything from a dance floor under a canopy of lights to swing dance lessons, a pinup contest, blackjack, burlesque and an entire Christmas Village that includes roasted chestnuts on an open fire, a glass-blowing area for ornament making, ice carvers, food, drinks and more.

Wings Over the Rockies Air and Space Museum, 7711 E Academy Blvd. #1, Denver (in the Lowry area), is hosting the popular ball this year that often sells out, so get on the ticket horn. There will also be live tunes from Denver's own Queen City Jazz Band.

Dress to impress and empty your photo roll — the sights are too impressive to not capture.; $40-$45; Saturday from 5 p.m.-1 a.m.


Man stuff

VFWs bring back fond memories of my million cousins' weddings in North Dakota,* where we'd all plow through the bar, put on our dancing boots and headbang to AC/DC.

Then Grammy would yell at us all for being a bunch of drunken assholes. Good times.

Well now we can create manly memories at a VFW on South Broadway, where the Holiday Mancraft 2013 is held this weekend.

Manly, like is the event made out of steel and brawn? Maybe. This craft fair is an artisan market where dudes can go shop and not feel like pansies. Where they can wear their testicles outside of their pants, drive up in their huge trucks with tires the size of our cars and flex their muscles.

Fine, it's really just a neat craft fair pimping man gifts made for men, by men. Who really knows how to get a man a gift anyway? A man! Yes, women are welcome, but the premise was to create a fair men would enjoy. Plus, it's made out of boobs. (This is not true.)

Check it out and be sure to bring your mustache, because there will obviously be a contest. It's on Friday from 4-10 p.m. at the VFW Post 2461, 1350 S. Broadway, Denver.

*Mom was second oldest of 13, so it's safe to say I have exactly one million cousins. (It's North Dakota. When the going gets cold, the cold make babies.)


More crafts!

I'm pimping this stuff because artisan markets are the best places to buy local and unique gifts for the holidays. Plus, you all hate Walmart and corporate America and such. Let's go Occupy things!

On Sunday is Share Denver's Fairfax Holiday Market, 2829 Fairfax St., Denver, from 10 a.m.-4 p.m., where local artisans will gather to sell handmade jewelry, art, clothing, food and more.


Denver shines

'Tis the season to put on your entire closet, fill empty water bottles with whiskey and head to downtown Denver for the 9NEWS Parade of Lights. The two-mile route weaves through downtown on Friday at 8 p.m. and Saturday at 6 p.m. while the Mile High City illuminates with color.

There will be floats, marching bands, Santa (OMG, SANTA'S COMING!) and Major Waddles the penguin.

It all starts at Bannock Street and 14th Ave., in front of the Denver City and County building. Go fill up some hot chocolate from 7-Eleven, lube it up with whiskey and forget that it feels like Russia out there.


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