Sausage, pizza and comedy. Just like my evening in your dad's drawers.
Friday night, Denver's Sexy Pizza chain is hosting its Sexpot Comedy Holiday Sausage Fest for a night of laughs at the Oriental Theater, 4335 West 44th Ave., Denver. (Sexpot Comedy is a Denver series that features local stand-up acts in a haze-filled pizza joint, where marijuana has been known to be freely smoked.)
Comedians Sean Patton (splits his time between New York and Los Angeles) and the Big Apple's Mike Lawrence will headline the stage, with openers and local favorites Ben Roy and Jordan Doll. The $15 ticket price includes a coupon for a free large pizza from Sexy Pizza.
Denver's Museum of Contemporary Art, 1485 Delgany St., is hosting its XXXmas Craftfair — part of its unique Black Sheep Fridays series, from 7-9 p.m. Friday
Next week is Jesus' birthday, so let's precede it with pasties and cookies that look like tits and testes. Denver's burlesque vixen Vivienne VaVoom will be hosting the adult-themed event on the rooftop cafe where she will be demonstrating how to decorate pasties, as well as an erotic holiday cookie tutorial. Complete with burlesque entertainment.
Info: mcadenver.org; $5
Last-minute craft gifts
Denver's has a last-minute craft fair this weekend where you can pick up a unique and local gift at the Holidayhaüs(Friday 6-10 p.m. and Saturday 10 a.m.-4 p.m.), held at Powerhaüs Studio, 2900 Marion St., Denver.
Local artisans are offering original and local goods all under one roof — filled with jewelry, clothing, accessories, T-shirts, hats and more.
There will be drinks as well as songs from The Mark Putt Explosion (on Saturday at 2 p.m.), which offers a live treat full of multi-media, holiday tunes, video, costumes, comedy and art.
Info: facebook.com/events/1392497260997544; free
Santa be gone
You would hate Santa. Heathen.
Why? He's fat, fuzzy, smells like scotch and Mrs. Claus' crotch. Plus, he gives us gifts.
But maybe he is too jolly for you. If so, on Sunday head to The Concoctory, a new local hackerspace and retail shop, for Krampus Craft from 2-7 p.m.
Krampus is a hairy, hoofed and horned eastern European folkloric creature/beast who shoves naughty children into his sack. (His tote bag, you shits.) Go celebrate with the demon at Denver's newest non-profit hackerspace (a monthly membership DIY joint that offers craft space, tech tools and a 3D printer). Take a professional photo with the beast on his throne of skulls and make illuminated paper ornaments. Mingle with fellow DIY-ers and guzzle hot chocolate. There will be a raffle for Krampus cookie cutters and craft kits.
Info: concoctory.com; donations will benefit the new space
Those ugly sweaters can get one more use this year. But this time, they will also be joined with '80s ski gapers, drunk uncles and other holiday costumes at the Reeewind & Roll: Winter Wonderland, held at the EXDO Event Center, 1399 35th St., Denver, tonight at 9 p.m. (Be Cousin Eddie from "Christmas Vacation." Shitter's full!)
The joint usually hosts a monthly roller-skating party, but this time it will be rife with us fools in cheesy Christmas gear. The costume contest touts cash prizes and Nuggets tickets.
Info: rolldenver.com; free for 21+ before 10 p.m.; $10 cover after 10 p.m.; $10 for 18-20
Grandpa! Did you just poop?
Oh. Those are tubas.
Sunday at Skyline Park, on the 16th Street Mall at Arapahoe Street, Denver, hundreds of tuba players will gather for Denver's annual Tuba Christmas Concert from 1-2 p.m. The event will feature all from amateur to professional players who will be pumping out holiday tunes and originals. It's nice those big fat horns have an opportunity to shine. (Not that one, Grandpa.)
Info: downtowndenver.com; free