Remember when Tom Green's bum was on the gum? And then he blew a bubble with his bum bum bum?
It was fascinating.
He then inspired Eminem to put his bum on our lips.
And now, thanks to Christina Ricci, celebrities are placing themselves inside household appliances and tagging it #Riccing as a new selfie trend.
(It's kind of like Tebowing, but with less Jesus.)
Now I'm going to go put myself inside a liquor cabinet. You guys tell me when this horseshit's over.
Ashlee getting hitched again
OMG, what in the wide world of Cover Girl will Pete Wentz do?
Ashlee Simpson, who was married to said Fall Out Girl, is now engaged to Diana Ross' son, Evan Ross. (Miss D, have you heard her sing? Intervention.)
Ashlee is sister to Jessica Simpson, and daughter to Joe Simpson, who was banging one of Jessica's backup dancer boys (allegedly) after he rubbed sun tan oil all over Ashlee's crack.
Wait. I think that was Hulk Hogan and his daughter Brooke with the incestuous rubbing. BT dub, did you see the Wrestlemania star in a thong spoofing Miley Cyrus' "Wrecking Ball" in October?
Um. What is going on here?
Who cares. Matthew McConnaughey is making sand castles out of doughnut holes. Let's go watch.
Old ladies in bikinis
Grandladies and gentlesags, Sports Illustrated had a 50th anniversary celebration of its Swimsuit Issue on Tuesday night.
It was a raging party with a plethora of elephant-skinned, AARP-membered, old-hag models. (I think Rush Limbaugh unlocked his mom's basement.)
The 2014 Swimsuit Model will be announced in a few months when Sports Illustrated airs it on Tyra Banks' forehead.
Speaking of sagging...
Nadya Suleman — remember, that one broad whose vagina doubles as a traffic circle? — is facing jail time for felony welfare fraud. She has 14 kids.
Octomom, 38, didn't disclose the $30,000 cash she made for stripping and porn while she was claiming welfare.
She has 14 kids.
The more important problem: Who paid money to see her naked? We're going to need a Siggy Freud, a priest and some holy water on a high-powered hose for those cats.
She has 14 kids.
Country singer Trace Adkins got into a fight on a cruise ship with himself.
Well, it was an impersonator who was singing karaoke in a bar on a country cruise to Jamaica that Adkins was apparently headlining. (TMZ told me that the real Trace fell off the wagon after 12 years of sobriety.)
And now he's in rehab.
Google didn't give me much details on this brawl, so I'm assuming he was just hammered, swinging his limp wrists at a mirror in the corner of the bar.
"Yous sssuck at that ssssong. I am going to kkkick yer asssss."
Uh. Mr. Adkins. You're bleeding everywhere. We're going to have to call security.
Will the real Trace Adkins please stand up?
Actually, sit back down. You're dripping in vomit and urine.
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