This is not a Photoshop joke. This is for real. RUN, don’t walk, to the newsstands.
This is not a Photoshop joke. This is for real. RUN, don't walk, to the newsstands. (Uncredited / Associated Press)

For the Swimsuit Issue's 50th anniversary, Sports Illustrated is enlisting Barbie to pose and model for its "Legends" section (hits stands Feb. 18).

In an "exclusive interview" with People magazine, the doll participated in a Q and A. And then People magazine put the bong down because they were interviewing a piece of plastic.

Alas, Barbie "posed" for SI, in the black-and-white swimsuit that made her famous.

"You should always smile — remember, what you are doing is fun!" Barbie told People, about modeling. "Finally, have great support on set — I have a fantastic team that keeps me looking great!"

That photo shoot spun quickly awry with Barbie doubling over because her infant feet couldn't hold up her double Ds on an 8-foot frame.

Christy Fantz
Christy Fantz

"My lady is barfing Easy Bake cake," Ken doll came out screaming. "I need a walker and a wet nap!"

Then Buzz Lightyear and Shrek started mooning the camera, while Puff the Magic Dragon was getting a handy from a Bratz doll in the corner.

Kids.

Bruce going girl?

The bumpy road to transformation surgery for transsexuals is an emotional one. Feeling trapped in the wrong body causes deep depression and anxiety. So major hand claps and cartwheels for those who have the means to do so.

On that note, it would appear that Bruce Jenner is gaga for girl parts.

The former Olympian recently debuted his newest cosmetic surgery: a flattened Adam's apple (a laryngeal shave).

The Kardashian's stand-in patriarch, who is separated from wife Kris Jenner and moved out of the famous household to his own pad in Malibu, has been rumored to be undergoing a sex change — although Kris has vehemently denied the rumors.

However, photos of Bruce would suggest otherwise: long, dyed and highlighted locks, manicured nails and disappearing Adam's apple. (Shit, everyone's penis would go into hiding if we were hitched to a Kardashian.)

Some claim the reality TV dad just likes getting nipped and tucked and that crack-the-whip Kris drilled the plastic surgery bug into him.

Whatever the case, if Bruce wants to go lady, let the man bust some jugs like a Laguna Beach pre-teen. Bruce, you sprout those lips proudly and fly like the Brucine who's inside you.

Copycat!

Actor Shia LaBeouf showed up to the Berlin premiere of "Nymphomaniac" on Sunday with a paper bag over his head, scrawled in black marker, "I'm not famous anymore."

We beg to differ, pal. What about "Even Stevens," "Transformers" ... and those other revered Hollywood films? He's also famous for recently plagiarizing a Daniel Clowes comic book for the likes of his new web film, HowardCantour.com. Then he plagiarized his apology to Clowes, pilfering Lena Dunham's words.

Shia LaBeouf is not famous anymore. An idiot, however, he is.
Shia LaBeouf is not famous anymore. An idiot, however, he is. (Clemens Bilan / Getty Images)

Getting caught up in his web of copycat has him now claiming this odd behavior was all for "performance art."

That's what Joaquin Phoenix said.

But now we can watch him crying, perched at a table in a tiny room, paper bag intact for his new Los Angeles art exhibit, #IAMSORRY.

I need a drink. #fuckinghollywood

Urban romance

Nicole Kidman told InStyle magazine, in which she graces the March cover, how she and husband Keith Urban keep the love alive when they're apart: "For every single night he's away he leaves me a love letter."

Then he rolls up that love letter and smokes crack out of it while twirling his soul patch at the strip club.

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