On Fat Tuesday, let's all get fat, drunk and show our jugs.
Then on Ash Wednesday, let's hit up confession and have a clean slate for Lent. Man, those religious folk really thought things through for Mardi Gras. Sin like Lucifer, then be wiped clean the next day.
No judging here, just joining. Glutton is our pal.
Here are a couple Mardi Gras events in Denver — which I've noticed apparently hates dudes. But then again, doesn't every cover charge and drink special hate dudes? Aw. Poor homeboys. RIOT.
4th annual Mardi Gras Denver
Dave & Busters, 2000 S. Colorado Blvd., Denver, is starting the shindig this weekend by hosting a giant party on Saturday from 7 p.m.-midnight. The (b)arcade will have music, games, DJs, live tunes, dancers, mask makers, tarot-card readers, stilt walkers and other live performers.
The party is taking over the venue, so all the arcade games, pool tables and gaming fun will be available for attendees, too. Wear a costume, beads and masks. Dave & Busters is offering a Cajun dinner special.
Info: DenverMardiGras.com; $10 for gals, $20 for guys
Mardi Gras at Vinyl
Club Vinyl, 1082 Broadway, Denver, is hosting its Fat Tuesday Mardi Gras on Tuesday at 9 p.m. The club will pump tunes from DJ Dave Peacock, will have drink specials (including $1 well drinks for ladies until midnight) and will have prizes for the most beads.
Info: coclubs.com; free for ladies, $5 for dudes
Beats, blues and booze
For a taste of the deep South a Mile High, Bayou Bob's, 1635 Glenarm Pl., Denver, is always celebrating Mardi Gras. But especially this weekend, where the Cajun joint kicks off festivities on Friday with the Delta Sonics performing live. The party goes through Fat Tuesday and features tons of Mardi Gras swag and tasty southern treats.
And who are you wearing?
One day I'll be famous. I've been saying that since eighth grade. Not like, Miley-famous, more like maybe David Sedaris-famous. That way I can walk the red carpet in tattered Chucks and nobody will care because they won't know just who I am, but that I'm there.
Anyway, you have a chance to walk your own red carpet in Denver on Sunday for the Academy Awards. The best place to get a burger from a drag queen in Denver, Hamburger Mary's, 700 East 17th Ave., is naturally hosting The Gayest Oscar Party Ever on Sunday at 5 p.m.
The shindig, sponsored by Out Front, is a fundraiser to fund the theater production Off-Center's upcoming season, and includes a red carpet entrance, commentary (including the pertinent, "who are you wearing?"), drinks, appetizers, pre-show gown judging and live performances by Denver's favorite Queens performing live drag. But, keep it quiet during the show, as they will "rudely shush anyone who speaks over Ellen."
And, as the event says: "The Gayest Oscar Party Ever promises to be more fabulous than a unicorn covered in glitter... in a rainbow boa... singing Streisand. Just be there, bitch."
Info: denveroffcenter.org; (tax deductible) packages from $35-$400
Caveau Oscar Viewing Party
This may be too fancy for your tastes (like maybe no Chucks), but Caveau Wine Bar, 450 E. 17th Ave., Denver, is also hosting an Oscar viewing party on Sunday at 4 p.m.
Watch the ceremony and for the $50 ticket, try select wines from Francis Ford Coppola Winery, go home with a gift bag, there will be raffle prizes, a silent auction, a costume contest (dress as your favorite Oscar-nominated character), awards ceremony, bingo and more.
Info: caveauwinebar.com; $50
Free days in Denver!
Saturday: The Denver Art Museum, 100 W. 14th Ave. Pkwy., Denver; penny Saturday at the Museum of Contemporary Art, 1485 Delgany St., Denver; Colorado Railroad Museum, 17155 W. 44th Ave., Golden;
Sunday: Denver Museum of Nature & Science, 2001 Colorado Blvd., Denver;
Monday: The Denver Botanic Gardens, 1007 York St., Denver
Follow Christy: Twitter.com/FantzyPants