The rare circumstances in which I vomit are the following: stomach flu, food poisoning and clearing room for more beer.

The latter was my college technique when the dudes would line up to chug against me. After No. 8, well, that was a lot of liquid. One swift technicolor yawn to the left and cheers to you, No. 9, on the right.

Which brings me to Lady Gaga, who, at South By Southwest in Austin last week, had a renowned vomit artist perform with her. (They do exist!)

This Millie Brown broad vomited several times on stage, once on Gaga, and while riding a mechanical bull.

So, while Ms. Brown's stomach acid continues to melt her teeth, burn potholes inside her esophagus and her "artwork" gathers maggots and emits the ultimate fetor of decay, at least we can see it all for free outside of the Walrus on a Friday night.

Christy Fantz
Christy Fantz

Love to love to love ya

Courtney Love thinks she's found Malaysia Airlines flight 370, so suck on that, feds.

Love scribbled on some satellite images as to where she believes the plane landed, as well as pointing out some oil slicks in the open water.

"I went to the satellite site and just uploaded tons and tons of pictures," the 49-year-old rocker Love said in an interview with the Daily Intelligencer. "I really doubt aliens took it. It's got to be somewhere. I'm a little obsessive."

Then she sneezed, blasting her snow pile into the air, in turn coloring irate and knocking her bowl of blue Jell-O all over the floor.

"Where'd the occccean go? That'sssss where the plane wasssss. Kurt! Call the copsss."


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Go back to sleep, you crazy mess.

Follow Christy: Twitter.com/FantzyPants