In your pants, in the sky, in your pipe... Go weekend.
You've got your America T-shirt with a freedom tiger's face blowing in the breeze. (That's my shirt, suckers. And yes, a face can blow in the breeze when you have fur on it.)
We're all sorts of stars 'n' stripes 'n' pride these days because the U.S. men's soccer team gave social media a sweaty workout for two weeks.
Keep that America going.
If you're headed to Denver for the Fourth, leave early to snag prime seating at a rooftop bar and keep the tap lines from clogging by chugging your dinner.
Fireworks in Denver tonight:
After the Rockies (baseball) game at Coors Field, 2001 Blake St, Denver.
After the Rapids (soccer) game at Dick's Sporting Goods Park, 6000 Victory Way, Commerce City.
After the Outlaws (lacrosse) game at Sports Authority Field at Mile High, 1701 Bryant St., Denver.
At dusk at Elitch Gardens, (amusement park) 2000 Elitch Cir., Denver.
Just the tip: My favorite place to watch the shows is down by the Platte River, around the Confluence Park area, 2250 15th St., Denver. Get baked, lay in the grass and get baked. Watch shirtless hippies spin fire. You'll be sandwiched between the Coors Field show and the Elitch show.
1990s on the rocks
Blues Traveler is doing its annual Red Rocks on the Fourth gig. It's been (fill in the too many years blank)since they have been keeping up this tradition.
This year, they're revving up the rocks with Sugar Ray, Smash Mouth and Uncle Kracker.
Bonus: The Red Rocks view is ridiculous. You'll be able to see like eight separate firework shows in the distance (if you can see past 1998).
So call Phoebe Buffay, strap on a pager and some Air Jordans. It's time to rage with those wild children of the '90s.
Simba's on call waiting. Please hold.
Friday at 6 p.m.; Red Rocks Amphitheatre, 18300 W. Alameda Parkway, Morrison; $38.50-$44.75
'Wedding Crashers' in the park
On Saturday, slap that hangover with more beer in the park. And maybe stick your face in between a set of giant jugs. Brrbbrrbbrrb. You motorboatin' son of a bitch. You old sailor, you!
Um. City Park, 17th Ave. and Colorado Blvd. Denver, is hosting the Samuel Adams Brew & View festival starting at 6 p.m. (in the southeast quadrant of the park).
Aside from lawn games, food trucks and beer, "Wedding Crashers" will be playing on the big screen when the sun goes down. (Side note: Why is Sam Adams horning in on Colorado beer culture?)
Watch Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson at their finest. And maybe ask before you motorboat just to avoid assault charges. (But what an awesome jail story...)
Info: samadamsbrewandview.com/denver; free
Beats under the sky
Denver's 32-piece ghetto-tech, percussion-centered, electronic marching band Itchy-O will be playing tonight at 8 p.m. in the parking lot of the Dark Star Lounge (formerly Atmosphere), 1630 Federal Blvd., Denver, for Dark Junk Under Mile High Lights.
The nightclub sits just two blocks from Mile High, where the stadium fireworks will be exploding over head, so in the Lounge's parking lot the crazy masked band will weird the place up, complete with Itchy-O's Chinese dragon. The Dirty Few, RUMTUM and DJ babyshoe will also perform. Info: itchyo.com; $10/$15
'Frozen' in July
We don't have to be toddlers to love "Frozen." Sisters saving sisters. I cried.
Anyway, check it out for free, under the stars at Skyline Park, at the corner of Arapahoe and 16th, in downtown Denver, on Saturday night at dusk. Keep your drunk and disorderly in your pants — there will be children there.