So, Lauryn Hill is now Ms. Lauryn Hill? Christ.
She's in Denver and Boulder this weekend if you're into that shit.
But I would suggest going to the Colorado Burlesque Festival instead. The Festival probably doesn't have as strong hate as the Ms.
Today through Sunday, nationally renown and local burlesque stars hit the stages for those risque, cabaret-style, variety-show performances we all like to rub one out to. Um. I mean. Your mom does.
And it's not just the ladies getting near nude. There will be boylesque, too — with a crew from Albuquerque along with Mr. Handsome, the reigning king.
Speaking of royalty, 2014 Reigning Queen of Burlesque is Denver's own Midnite Martini, who performs regularly at Lannie's Clocktower Cabaret, and will be putting on her own show.
Tonight's party is at Lannie's, 1601 Arapahoe St., Denver; Saturday's Colorado Burlesque Festival Spectacular is at The Paramount, 1621 Glenarm Pl., Denver, (Hosted by Denver's Naughyt Pierre); and Sunday's Hangover Hangout will be at The Celtic Tavern and Delaney's Bar, 1801 Blake St. Denver, complete with vendors.
Stars on tap: Vancouver's Lola Frost, Sydni Deveraux and Mr. Gorgeous from New York and Denver's Orchid Mei and burlesque legend Gail Winns, from Golden.
Info: coloradoburlesquefestival.com for full details
Us vs. them
Or shall we say U.S. vs. them... ba-dum-tss
Since we're all in a competing-nations mood with the World Cup and all, check out the 2014 World Lacrosse Championship at Dick's Sporting Goods Park, 6000 Victory Way, Commerce City, this weekend (through next weekend).
Chihuly in Denver
Dale Chihuly revolutionized the art of blown glass into large-scale sculpting. (Much like your 4-foot bong, but on a much bigger scale, stoner.)
Take a haul off of your bong because Chihuly currently has an exhibit of artwork at Denver's Botanic Gardens, 1007 York St., through Nov. 30. And the colors are pretty. It's recommended to see the spectacular display at night.
The Botanic Gardens is open 9 a.m-9 p.m. weekdays and 8 a.m.-9 p.m. on weekends. But get in before 8 p.m. — that's the last entry.
Info: botanicgardens.org; $12-$15
Speaking of Dale...
The master and inventor of surf rock is in Denver tonight and I can't go.
Dick Dale, who was an influence of guitar master Jimi Hendricks, used to pay the Beach Boys small was of cash to open for him. You probably know him from his hit "Misirlou" which became popular for its use in "Pulp Fiction."
The King of the Surf Guitar will be surf-rocking at Moe's, 3295 S. Broadway, Englewood, tonight at 8:30.
Info: moesdenver.com; $30-$35
Irish you had a beer
Clement Park, 7306 W. Bowles Ave., Littleton, is hosting the annual Colorado Irish Festival today through Sunday.
The festival has the typical food/beer vendors, huge turkey legs and a boatload of entertainment. Celtic band Gaelic Storm headlines the weekend festival, along with stages of various other Irish bands. There will also be Irish dance competitions, bagpipers and the Denver Gaels will present the sports of hurling, camogie and Gaelic football.
Note: Check out the Columbine memorial, which sits in Clement Park.
Info: coloradoirishfestival.org; Today 5-10 p.m., Saturday: 10 a.m.-10 p.m. and Sunday: 10 a.m.-7 p.m; $10-$16