This ass-cold weather is good for nothing.
Hold on, Debbie Downer. So it's too cold to mountain bike or climb today. You can still use that industrious spirit that gets you out trail running when it's a balmy 10 degrees to accomplish something in your outdoor life.
And I'm not talking about going outside to test your theories about your pee freezing mid-stream in below-zero temps. (It doesn't.)
Use this cold snap to get something done, like one of these five things:
1 Clean up
Don't panic, not suggesting that you clean the orange ring out of your bathroom sink. Not only is it a mark of character (and how core you are, too busy skiing to clean!), it's logical -- you'll just get the sink filthy again when you bathe your bike chain in it.
Take today to clean the rust off your crampons, even though WD-40 stinks up the house. Wax your skis, even though your boyfriend gets mad that you trash the iron.
Boyfriend: Why don't you relax and make her a Hot Pocket or something?
2 Freeze funk
Your running shoes have acquired an, um, interesting scent. So have your skate-skiing boots.
And all four pair of your climbing shoes.
How I know: Your Labradoodle buried one of your shoes in my backyard, and bears came out of hibernation to dig for it.
Put your shoes outside to freeze out the funk. It's more sanitary than putting them in your freezer (next to the Hot Pockets, ew).
3 Create ice
Ugh, all of the ice climbing in Colorado is so far away! Use this weather to make your own frozen waterfall on your house. It should be short work in these temps. Here's what you need:
If you're a renter, you also need:
-the attitude that it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission
Your landlord will probably evict you for hooking your ice tools on the gutters (and kicking your frontpoints through the siding). But how else are you supposed to pull the M5 overhang onto the roof?!?
4 Blow snow
Now is the time to crank the snowmaking machine in your backyard to full blast.
You know, the snowmaking machine. For your backyard terrain park.
You don't have a backyard terrain park? What is the snowmaker for?
5 Make up
After poking holes in the gutter and leaving wax on the iron, you may need to make some things up to your sweetie to let him know you care.
Nothing says "I love you" like an ice sculpture. Of your face.
(Note: It's possible I've told you in the past that nothing says "I love you" like new mountain-bike tires. This is a winter addendum.)
Carve it today. If you make it big enough (and when it comes to an ice bust, bigger is better), it will last through Friday.
Or make him a Hot Pocket. With the iron. Scrape the wax off first.