C ollege football!
Of course that's what you're doing this weekend.
So after watching the Buffs kick some Ram ass at (Blah Blah Blah Blah Field at) Mile High on Saturday, stuff yourself sick at A Taste of Colorado at Civic Center Park, Broadway and Colfax, Denver. The festival begins today at 11:30 a.m. and runs through Labor Day.
A Taste of Colorado puts an interesting image in my head. I oft envision a turkey leg donning a bleach-blond weave while muffin-topping out of too-short shorts (not Too Short's shorts. Just short shorts. Mom jorts, if you will.), gnawing on sweet corn, chafing her thighs while hobbling around and watering the lawn with spilt beer.
I said it was interesting.
More than 50 Colorado food joints gather at Taste and feature small tastes, full meals and snacks. It's fun. It's a people-watching asylum and a dog-wagging time.
The festival is filled with the usual: artisan and merchant booths, food and cooking demonstrations, six stages of live music and rides (including a new zip line for adults).
Dress for success -- the music told me it's 1993. Good thing those high-waisted shorts are trending. Spin Doctors will be there.
Who? An alternative band that swam in the sea of the golden age of grunge.
But wait. It could be 1977. The Pointer Sisters and Lou Gramm (the voice of Foreigner) are also headlining.
At least it's not the Republican National Convention where Kid Rock and Trace Adkins are headlining. Cowboy, baby.
There will also be a slew of local talent, along with Philly's alt hip-hop group G. Love & Special Sauce who will play Monday night. Baby's got sauce. I'll give you some sauce.
So, what you should do is shove your belly with treats (where I hear gamey meats are a big thing this year -- rattlesnake is on someone's menu), pound some beer, then hop in the human hamster ball. Wait! Wear a poncho. That sounds like sheer regurgitated chaos.
Whatever you do, don't drink and drive, the heat is on. It's on the streets (wooo hooo!). Cops are out in droves and DUI checkpoints for the holiday weekend.
RTD to Denver is free with your BuffOne card.
A final heed: Avoid detox. That slew of public drunkenness in the aftermath of a city festival fills those drunk-tank cots faster than the mustache ride you gave me last night.