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What's better than men in skirts, day drinking and pinching the shit out of folks for their fashion?
No, really. I'm asking.
Easy access, and the liquid courage to take advantage of it.
Sounds like a holiday I could get into. On top of?
But seriously, what booze-centric holiday could be bad?
Fourth o' July and its cheap-ass beer signature. Cinco de Mayo's devotion to the amber liquor of sin. New Year's Eve's "fancy" consumption of cheap champers -- poppin' that cork sure is fun, even if you don't do it right. Wait ...
My theory: Valentine's could amp up its popularity by dropping its flowers, chocolates (and panties) and drop a shot into some beer instead.
But that lubricated day is behind us -- naughty -- and we've got more important things ahead.
Green things that are all liquored up will put hair on your chest, oddly enough. Watch out, ladies. Let's keep "sweater kittens" from becoming too literal.
Enter Conor O'Neill's.
Boulder's Irish paradise.
Not only will there be a lineup of all kinds of Irish music -- The Indulgers on Friday, Bluegrass Delta Force Saturday and the traditional Irish session Sunday -- they've got the famed St. Patty's Day parade on Sunday.
The world's shortest, they boast. Not what he said, in any way you think about it I'd hope.
Swaddle yourself in green and hit 13th Street around noon Sunday. You'll get an eyeful of Irish dancers, bagpipers and the Centennial Pipe Band.
There's even folks dancing with chairs and a kazoo band. You're just not going to find that anywhere else.
Happy hour's from 3 p.m.-7 p.m., by the way. Just don't let it turn your night into another world's shortest ....
Info: The World's Shortest St. Patrick's Day Parade at Conor O'Neill's at noon on Sunday, 1922 13th Street.
Film on campus
But enough with the Irish brogue. (Just kidding. That can stay.)
For real, though. It's not St. Patty's yet.
Till then, sit back and enjoy other men with hot accents.
"The Hobbit" part 1 is on CHEM 140's screen Friday. (Part one of 30, because it's completely necessary to split the shortest book into more movies than a three-part trilogy took ...)
WOAH. Inner nerd took over. I'll get that looked at.
Don't let her discourage you. Check it out.
Info: "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey" free screening at 8 p.m. Friday at CHEM 140.
Find yourself drifting among the downtown bars?
Snag a copy of the Walrus' March mix tape. And a shot. I'm not picky about the order.
--Follow Alex on Twitter: @ansieh.