christy fantz
Christy Fantz

D ear Christy,

My boyfriend thinks I dress too slutty. I have a big -- as you like to call it -- rack and I like to show my girls, but he isn't comfortable with it. Should I cover up or screw it?

--Cleavage

Dandy doubles:

I've always been a (what I construe as) conservative(ish) dresser.

Thanks mom and dad.

One summer I was working as an intern at my pop's office and as I strolled out of the house on a Monday morning, he made me go back inside and change. No, I didn't look slutty, but my pop was helping drive my resume to fame, so I channeled Hillary Clinton all summer.

Other than hiking up the Catholic school uniform skirt and baring occasional cleavage, I'm not much for slutting it up. Fine, I wear short(ish) skirts, but I have killer legs, so, obviously.

Every now and then when my dandy doubles need air, I indulge. However, throughout the evening, I'm self-consciously burying my jugs with my hair or jacking up my shirt because I fall blush to eyes that speak only to my popping prize.

There's a chance your boyfriend is green due to his pals conversing with your cans. It takes a strong man to have a large rack. John Travolta knows.

So, unless you're prancing around in ass-less chaps and pasties, just have a talk with the kid. Assure him you are only popping for his cherry. Also listen to his concerns and take his points into consideration.

Lastly, use some discretion. Don't look like you polished off the night shift at the Bustop when you go to church with his family on Sunday.

Don't become the town hooker. We have plenty.

Dear Christy,

I'm supposed to bring drinks to my girlfriend's parents for Thanksgiving. They don't drink alcohol, but I do. Would it be weird if I brought some beer along?

--Drinks on holidays

I like your style:

As someone who grew up in the drunk desert -- well, parents aren't big drinkers, but us kids are a whole new tale -- I understand holidays with minimal booze.

However, just like croquet, baseball, cooking meth and "liking" things -- alcohol is an American pastime!

If you are of drinking age, I don't think it's inappropriate to drink in moderation around the future in-laws.

Just don't do the following:

Show up drunk; pound beers in the pantry; ignite a round of drinking games; spike mom's decaf with whiskey; pass out spooning grandma on the couch; pocketing grandpa's war medals; spanking daddy's ass while he's carving the turkey; pop in a Barbra Streisand album and cut a rug; talk about your taint tattoo.

Do: Bring a bottle of wine and feign class.

All else fails, wax on, wax off and try to survive four alcohol-free hours, lush.

Good talk.