Dina Lohan was named a "Top 20 Long Island Mothers of Celebrities" by the networking organization, Mingling Moms, on Tuesday. Thanks, Mingling Moms, for providing me with a six-minute laugh break at work.

Well, apparently the CEO of the organization made the announcement right after Dina passed her the crack pipe. Puff, puff, give, ladies. Well, I'm kidding, of course, but they, apparently, are not. Dina Lohan single-handedly ruined her daughter Lindsay's career, and is on a fast-track to botching Ali and Dakota's poor little lives (Lindsay's sister and brother, for the laymen).

Seriously, who a. parties with their underage child at nightclubs five nights a week, and b. after ruining Lindsay's career, brings her 14-year-old daughter on a reality show? "Living Lohan" will premiere on "E!" way too sooner than later. The brilliant career move for the classy family will show us Dina in her Long Island home, taking a stab at being a mom and manager to Ali, who will, I'm sure, successfully follow her older sister's footsteps. Good luck with that.

TAKE THAT, BRANGIE!

Gwyneth Paltrow has been out of her cave, recently, promoting "Iron Man." While at the Los Angeles premiere, a reporter asked if she wanted to congratulate her ex-lover, Brad Pitt, on his latest child with Mother Teresa, oops, Angeli012 . 0006.07na Jolie. Contactmusic.com says that she was less than happy with the question, and replied with a simple, "No." Ha ha ha! Making the world a better place one Brangelina hater at a time. You go, Gwyneth.

MILEY CRY-RUS

This news was so last week, but it is so fun to harass annoying stars. Annie Lebowitz, yeah, yeah, you shouldn't have asked a 15-year-old to take her clothes off for her "Vanity Fair" photo shoot, but wasn't it a mullet-loving Cyrus family affair at the shoot? And they all thought it was a "beautiful" and "natural" portrait of Miley.

Not only that, Miley was quoted as saying in the interview, "Annie took, like, a beautiful shot, and I thought it was really cool. That's what she wanted me to do, and you can't say no to Annie." She also said of the photo, "I think it's really artsy. It wasn't in a skanky way." OMG.

There you have it. Miley, stop crying. Until you start wearing turtlenecks or a nun's habit, stop whining about your morals and modesty. Just turn to your Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears ways already and get it over with. Ali Lohan probably has a few pairs of crotchless panties you can borrow.

Features Editor Christy Fantz is in no way perfect. But she loves a tirade on Tinseltown's icons, idols and village idiots. Or just pop culture in general. E-mail her at features@coloradodaily.com if you feel so inclined. Hollywood Headaches runs every Tuesday in The MIX section.

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