What do British model Kate Moss, Lindsay Lohan, David Hasselhoff and Scott Baio have in common?

A vile attempt at a singing career, I'm afraid.

Apparently, the straw Moss drew out of the celebrity "I'm sick of my job" hat read "singer."

Moss said in July she wanted to quit modeling because the career is "brain damaging." This came out of the mouth of a girl who ingests a daily kilo of blow through a medley of orifices.

In the past, Moss would often take the stage when her ex-prize Pete Doherty's band was playing.

I think I would pay good money to see that:

Moss stumbles up to the stage on five-foot stilettos -- uh, I mean her legs -- and slurs into the microphone while Doherty heaves handfuls of one-hitters back in his pockets.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a Jennifer Love Hewitt album to buy.

Don't 'Believe' in magic

Criss Angel's $85 million magic show, "Believe," bombed in Vegas this weekend.

The Las Vegas Review Journal reports people were chanting "bullshit" from the urinals, people were demanding their money back and raging about how horrible it was.

Of course, as they all do (see above), he sang a cover of his "Mindfreak" TV theme song.

He should stick to what he knows best: nail polish, highlights and handkerchiefs (solely as flair).

Or just futile attempts at getting into Hollywood's pants.

MTV got worked

Britney Spears recently admitted she didn't think she deserved the MTV Video Music Award she took home last month for her "Piece of Me" clip.

"It's a cool video, but I think by far I've done videos that are way better, so I was really shocked that it got the award," she said. "It was just inspiring, though, because now, going forward with the videos that I'm doing now, I can really go there and do something crazy and see what happens."

Maybe she can cop a fake British accent. Oh, she can shave her head.

Or, she can check into, out of, into and out of rehab. Wait no! How about spread eagle for the paparazzi?

Eh, if worse comes to worse, she can always marry a gold digger.

Wait. Done and done, and done and done and done.

Oops.

Maybe a sexy photo shoot with greasy KFC drumsticks? This just in: Taco Bell's chili cheese burrito is now available for hire.

Twin tats

Angelina Jolie wasted no time inking the map coordinates for the twin gods on her arm -- right over her old Billy Bob Thornton tattoo (you would think with her paycheck, that thing would be invisible by now).

In a couple decades, the girl's going to look like the Dead Sea Scrolls with lips and a saggy uterus. Ew.

And speaking of bearing fruit, "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" was on FX on Sunday night, and within the first 20 minutes, there were two birth-control commercials.

Coincidence? I laughed.

Quotes of the week

"It might be a shock to see me, but that's no reason for people to act crazy, and it doesn't give them license to chase me down the street," Prince said, describing some people's reaction to finding him knocking on their doors as a Jehovah's Witness, to USA Today.

The little ditty of "Let's go Crazy" he performs down the driveway is only for those who refer to him as "The Artist Currently Known as Formerly Known as Prince Presently Known as Restorationist."

Can he get a witness?

Lindsay Lohan says to Marie Claire: "At some point, I want to adopt a kid -- a child in need or a newborn from another country."

Snag Courtney Love, and family game night makes a comeback.