One fun day of starting anew. How are those New Year's resolutions going?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Resolutions are tough. Well, they pretty much suck. Why can't we all be unfit, booze-guzzling a-holes?

That would be too easy. A little challenge here or there never hurt anybody.

As Andy Warhol said, "They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself."

Here are the five resolutions you made two days ago that you've probably already broke.

1 Drink less

So you wanted to cut down on drinking and partying this year? Whoops. That pledge was broken at 12:01 yesterday morning. Nice try, though. Here's for hoping.

2 Quit smoking

Um, whoops again? The combination of cigarettes and alcohol is like rolling around in a padded field of fluff. Oh, so good. But you can do it! You'll feel so much better -- it's a promise. Might I recommend Wellbutrin?

3 Change of attitude

I saw you cut that old lady off and mutter something under your breath. Nice try with that one. Just remember everybody has bad days. Which is where the cigarettes and alcohol come in. Damn Catch-22.

4 Eat right

But that extra-large pizza with a side of wings and a Coke was such a good idea at 3 a.m. And it offers at least three more meals of leftovers. Yeah, let's buy the veggies on Monday.

5 Get fit

The promise of going to the gym starting now has been pushed off until tomorrow. We all know how that goes. Is that expensive gym membership looking like a bad idea?