Well, it's Oscar time again. I could go on ad nauseam about the venality of the Academy and selfsame award organizations, but that's for another story in another paper that I've already written during my illustrious, erstwhile tenure in Hellywood.

I will say this , though: It seems the only two people in the world who didn't much care for "The Social Network" are my social networking-obsessed former roommate and I. In my opinion, you can't simply combine "Varsity Blues" with "Revenge of the Nerds" and end up with a good movie.

Also being a card-carrying luddite, it was a shock to learn that as an esteemed member of the Fourth Estate, a Facebook account might be a necessity in my future.

But why? Isn't Facebook just MySpace for snobs?

1 James Cameron may be right

Growing up on a steady diet of "Twilight Zone," Ray Bradbury, Philip K. Dick and Aldous Huxley makes one instantly adverse to any kind of technological advancement that threatens to dehumanize the population. Particularly when your father gives you a copy of "The Terminator" for your sixth birthday, as mine had. Frankly, I've read about Facebook and similar innovations from guys talking about it 50 years ago or more. I already know how this saga ends: we don't win.

2 'Star Wars' is fattening

I don't know exactly what the correlation is here, but there's gotta be one. I see Facebook, Twitter, blogging and their whole realm as pernicious gateway drugs misguiding the best minds of our generation into the equally devastating world of Darth Vader masks, Comic Cons, Klingon dictionaries and, of course, bottomless bags of cheese puffs.

3 Jesse Eisenberg never smiles

One viable criticism of "The Social Network" is that lead actor Jesse Eisenberg never once smiles over the course of the film. As biopics of this nature are said to be less about veracity and more about capturing the "essence" of their real-life protagonists, what exactly are the filmmakers attempting to divulge about Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg?

4 I don't want to know

An old African proverb states, "Not to know is bad. Not to want to know is worse." I love those magical, serendipitous moments in which I bump into an old friend I haven't seen in years. The best part of which is my not already knowing what my friend's been up to... nor my not knowing the minutest details of his or her breakfast that morning.

5 This quote from 1967

"We have now lost the freedom to do without computers, and it is no longer a question of giving them power over us, but of how much power, of what kind and of how fast we turn it over to them." -- John T. Sladek